And now The Bachelor is in Canada, land of brown bears and waterfalls. And the next time I'm fortunate to be at majestic Lake Louise, I have to remember that Sean and his harem came here, and make sure my vaccinations are up to date. Was there really no way we could hold them up at the border? Confiscate their passports and throw them in jail? Where's our Guantanamo? Not cool, Canada. NOT COOL.
Chris Harrison welcomes them to the previously unsullied beauty of Banff National Park and I wish there were a Mountie or two there to glower at them, in front of Chateau Lake Louise, which is amazing and expensive, although maybe not so much now that it's been all skanked up. Having The Bachelor there is worse than finding out that some hotel guests have set up a meth lab.
The date card arrives. Of the remaining women, Catherine, Daniella and Tierra have not had one-on-ones. This one is for Catherine: "Let's find our fairy-tale ending." I love the way whoever reads the date card says "Sean" at the end, in case the date might actually turn out to be with Chris Harrison.
And cut to Catherine waiting for Sean in a little bit of wind and snow, and she is "scared as hell" for some reason, like lady, if you think this is a blizzard, then I'd hate to see how you'd handle actual winter in Canada. Finally, Sean drives this huge snow bus up over the hill and apparently they've moved on to Jasper National Park, which is also nice but no Banff. They're at the base of the Columbia ice fields, and Catherine is melting over Sean's ruggedness.
Sean tells us he needs to "turn things around" this week, by which I hope he means he has to stop handing out roses to the head cases and maybe concentrate on spending time with women who are able to experience actual happiness. They go tobogganing and somersaulting in the snow, and Sean says he wants someone who can "enjoy life," like it's so hard to enjoy life when you're travelling North America on The Bachelor's dime. And then Sean says "Canada, eh," like FUCK YOU, SEAN.
And now after somersaulting in the snow to prove what an in-the-moment kind of woman she is, Catherine gets to ride some sort of horse-drawn carriage (they're no longer on a glacier, obviously). They visit an ice castle that Sean says was built just for them, which I can't believe is remotely close to being true. Can you imagine spending all that time to construct an ice castle only to be told it's going to host The Bachelor and whoever he's currently trying to get into bed? It's one of the most romantic settings he's ever been in, he tells us, and they cuddle on a couch under a blanket (neither of which are actually made of ice).