Bachelor
Season 17: The Women Tell All

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The Fifty Ways I Heaved My Lovers

Anyway, it's now time for Sean, who should -- if there were any kind of sense of justice in the audience -- get the same tepid reaction that Tierra got. He tells Harrison he couldn't wait to get out there, since he has nothing but fond memories of each of the women there. Remember, he DUMPED ALL OF THEM. He's barely on stage five seconds before the self-absorption and dickishness come right to the surface! Several of the women -- Desiree and Sarah, for example -- are in fact smiling a little bit more than you'd think they were.

Harrison alludes to Sean saying AshLee "robbed" him of his opportunity to speak, which is, clearly, a load of bullshit. I mean, REALLY. She let him speak, and he babbled like an ass. The only thing she robbed him of was his feeling entitled to be let off the hook for acting like a dick (although he apparently has that back).

So AshLee asks him, "What happened? I don't get it." After he starts to babble out a bunch of platitudes about how great she is, Harrison just makes her come back to the middle of the stage, where Sean continues his "It's all about me" parade, telling her things like "my fear when you left is that you would leave without closure" and reminding her how stressful it was on him to break her heart. "From Day 1, you were my frontrunner," says Sean, who then goes on to explain that there were times when he "couldn't find that laughter" with AshLee. "It killed me to say goodbye to you," he says, and it hurt him even more when she left the way she did.

I can't. I just can't. He is chastising her for not responding to being dumped in a way that made him feel as least bad about as possible. Then he starts talking about EMILY, for god's sake, and how deceived he felt by her, and then seems to justify leading AshLee on because Emily led him on. AshLee expresses the not-unreasonable opinion that if anything, Sean's experience should have made him realize he shouldn't pull that shit on someone else. She does also keep calling him a "gentleman," so let's not put too much stock in what she thinks, all right? Apparently she came back to the resort and Sean didn't check on her, which is bad because he's a gentleman and also the man is supposed to check on the woman? Or she thought he'd check on her back in Texas? Or something? Hilarious "whaaaaat?" face on an audience member.

She says he told her some things that made her think she was the one, and Sean says he thought so too, and she can't understand how this works unless she's in the position he's in. She asks him how he could say he had "absolutely no feelings" for the other two women. Murmurs in the audience. Sean says he didn't say it, and she says he did, twice. "I promise I didn't say that," he says. AshLee is hilariously all, "Sean, come on," and says she's not making it up. Room is quiet enough to hear someone cough awkwardly in the background. Sean and AshLee stare at each other for a moment, and eventually Harrison has to step in and throw to commercial, and over the applause we can hear Sean say, "I don't know what you're talking about. Honestly." Hey, I wasn't sure I believed him, but since he appended that "Honestly"? Now, I know he's being honest! He even said so!

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