Woman, please, just ask the damn questions. She wants to know how Tenley would handle conflict with her sister-wives, because she has been watching a lot of Big Love and is very concerned with familial peace and wants her daughters-in-law to get along because once she and her husband are dead it is really up to the women to hold the family together because men just aren't capable of such emotional commitment as, like, calling each other on the phone. Bringing up her own seemingly imminent mortality may be a new one for a Bachelor mom. Tenley tells her that she was married (oh shit, really? does Jake know?) and that she totally handled that conflict, like, really well. Somehow this makes Jake's mom cry and then Tenley adds that she could really be a part of this family and this poor crying woman could really be her mother-in-law. Did she mention that Jake was beautiful? Jake's mom says that Tenley "touched her" and, really now, Ms. Handsy, do we need to register you as a sex offender? Jake's mom would love to have her as a part of the family. Outside Jake is laughing with his family while everyone extols Tenley's myriad virtues. Then Tenley has to go talk to Jake's dad. She claims she can already tell she is going to love Jake's dad, but before it gets to Jerry Springer, she adds that it's important that he be able to see her as a daughter. Tenley "adores how [Jake] adores his parents" and she loves that Jake, being male, can talk about his parents' marriage. She starts tearing up talking about how much she wants to be part of the family. Jake's dad thinks she's an "incredible girl" but I'm not really sure on what he is basing this assessment. Outside Jake tells his family that he will ask one of the girls to marry him. He just doesn't know which one yet. Meanwhile, Tenley is making sure Jake's dad knows that she was married before and that her previous in laws did not think she was an "incredible girl". Maybe she didn't touch them enough. She is "looking for another family to take her in" and way to make yourself sound like a stray dog there, Tenley. When Tenley brings up wanting "loving grandparents" for her kids, Jake's dad hugs her. Again. Maybe Jake should come on back there, soon. Inside, Jake's mom tells him that she had "no red flags" about Tenley and Jake's dad can see her fitting in really well. He adds that he knows he met his "future daughter-in-law today" but they way it is edited is HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS. Jake then blurts, "She needs to know that if she stands on the edge of a pool, I'm going to push her in." Which is either an awkward analogy for falling in love or a reference to making Tenley walk the plank. Jake's mom warns him to tell her that he likes to rough house and get goofy. She blames his brothers for this, but they appear to have turned out alright. Jake and Tenley take a moment to make out and then he makes her jump in the pool with him fully clothed. If she does not do this with him she will never get her hands on that princess cut ring. So they jump in and make out and then both of Jake's brothers jump in and Tenley is cackling hysterically because what else do you do when potential future in laws catch you making out in the pool and then JUMP IN AND JOIN YOU. There's some wet group hug action going between Tenley and all THREE boys when the wives arrive to break that shit up. Everyone talks about how perfect Tenley is for Jake and how blessed they would be to have her in the family. Vienna, whoever she is, had better be pretty fucking spectacular to beat out Miss Disney Princess over there.
Episode Report CardLuluBates: A+ | 981 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT