There's Jamie, the RN, very charming and cute. "I'm loving the brunettes," Ben tells us. Then there's Shira, which is pronounced She-Ra, and she is a princess of power from Los Angeles, and she claims to know everything about wine, but it turns out she was only joking and is also an idiot. Up next is Blakeley. She's a "VIP" cocktail waitress from Charlotte. She's so discombobulated by being told that there are other Southerners there that she says "I'm the only Southerner."

Then there's Sheryl, whose age is listed as an infinity symbol, and she's retired. She's from Pueblo, she needs crutches to walk, and is either the butt of or the perpetrator of the worst joke this show has ever played (apart from just existing). Ben notes the wedding ring on her finger, and she says there's a story about that, which probably involves "the Great War," and she says she watched him all last season and fell madly in love with him, and he gives her a hug, taking care not to break any bones.

Then it turns out that she's just there to pimp out her daughter, Brittney, a medical sales rep from Denver. Haw haw! They made us think the ancient old woman desires love! "That's too cute. I love grandmas."

Then grandma and granddaughter meet everyone inside, and Amber (also another nurse!) makes Canada proud by saying, "It smelled a lot like grandma." That's better than smelling like peach coolers, spermicide and regret! She thinks Brittney is doing this just for sympathy. Then she makes fun of Miss Pacific Palisades too, which is fine with me.

Jesus, I always forget how long this takes. It's like the Boston Marathon of drunken floozies. There's Nicki the dental hygienist, who greets him with an, "I'm glad it's you." I'm always confused by those statements, because some women seem surprised to see who the Bachelor is, while others claim to have come on the show specifically because of who the Bachelor is going to be. I think about it for a moment and then remember I don't care.

Here comes Dianna, a non-profit director from California. She's too tongue-tied to say anything, so maybe she can write something for Jenna's blog some time. Jennifer is an accountant from Oklahoma City, so she gives him numbers: 1,190 miles she traveled to be here, zero is the number of times she's been arrested, 54 is the number of dresses she tried on before picking this one, and one is the number of times she's been in love. Ben considers, then rejects, throwing the number sixty-nine out there.