Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | 407 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
“...And the horse you rode in on.”

And while Jenna wails away -- to herself? She's behind a closed door -- in the bathroom, Ben picks up the first-impression rose and takes Lindzi aside. He insists it's not because of the horse but because of their conversations and how she seems real and down to earth.

And now it's time for the first Rose Ceremony. Rachel says it's nerve-racking, because going into this first Rose Ceremony, any one of them could be going home. Yes, that is the point and true of EVERY rose ceremony. Ben tells the women that he's "not looking forward to this" and goes off with Chris Harrison to start the culling. Jenna -- at least based on the editing this show has presented to us -- is still crying and flushing the toilet.

Then we come back from commercial, and all the women are lined up at the Rose Ceremony and Jenna is missing from it. "Karma's a bitch," whispers Monica. Jenna finally makes her way to the Rose Ceremony, promising us that she's going to "fight through this." Don't do us any favors, Jenna. She takes her place next to Anna-of-few-words who I don't think we've heard from other than "Hi" and Monica rolls her eyes.

My GOD I love the Rose Ceremony. It's pointless and cruel PLUS it signals that we're getting closer to the end of the show AND the season! Plus it means that there will be some awful people who I won't have to see on screen until the After the Final Rose special!

Harrison welcomes Ben Flajnsnkniusan to hand out the roses. He thanks them for putting a lot on the line, and how this gets emotional, and love is part of that, because love is an emotion or something like WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT JUST HAND OUT THE GODDAMN ROSES ALREADY.

Jamie gets the first one (apart from Lindzi, I suppose). Then Rachel. Then Blakeley (shot of Monica quietly clapping). Emily. Then Kacie B., and Casey S. Next up is Brittney, then Erika, then Shawn. Nikki's next (Ben compliments her hug. "Get used to it, buddy!" she responds). Jennifer gets a rose. Elyse gets a rose. Samantha gets a rose. There's a Samantha? Oh, right, Miss Pacifica Palisades. Courtney gets a rose because SHE'S SO INTERESTING TO TALK TO. Jaclyn gets a rose. Monica gets a rose. Jenna looks like she might vomit, but she's probably looked that way after every rose handed out.

There's a shot of one more rose left on the table, so I guess Ben is going to hand out five or six more -- oh, hold everything, Chris Harrison is telling us that that's the final rose. Glad we cleared that up. Ben spins the rose around in his fingers while staring at it for five hours before announcing "Jenna." Oh, groan. Hey, any time you get to keep around someone who got so drunk and weepy on the first night that she ALMOST MISSED THE ROSE CEREMONY you have to do it, right? That means the Baconator is gone, as is Anna the Beautiful but Quiet, among others. Harrison comes back out to tell all the losers that their bags are on the curb and they all need to get the fuck out now.

Bachelor

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