Courtney is a model, and she's the first one to trot out the "girls are competitive with me but I can't be bothered" attitude, because bitches be hatin'! She's excited to be a real bride because she's modeled as a fake bride a bunch of times. Jamie is a nurse, which is a real job that requires a brain, so she probably won't last long. She has a sad story about having to raise her younger siblings herself after her dad died. She's already too good to be on this show.
Lyndsie (sigh) is a daughter of a diplomat and she's from England but is in Arizona or California or someplace now, and her hobby seems to be trafficking in awful stereotypes of all the countries she's lived in. Jenna is a freelance writer in New York who writes about love and drinks wine and can't string a coherent, interesting sentence together, so let's all visit her blog right now! "Ben, I'm coming for you!" she says.
Shawn is a financial advisor in Phoenix with a son. "Everything I do at the end of the day is for him," she says, but finding the love of her life is the missing piece of her puzzle. Is that an autism reference? Nicki is a dental hygienist from Texas who thinks she and Ben will hit it off because they've "both gone through things in our past." Someday I hope to have gone through things in my past! She's already been married once, but it didn't work out, probably because her first husband didn't go through things in his past.
And now Ben Flajhninsgfanas is getting dressed, and he never in a million years would have imagined being in this position. He had his heart broken, but he's ready to move on. "No expectations, and I'm ready," he says. Uh, isn't there one BIG expectation?
Anyway, it's time to start the Potential Sexually Transmitted Disease Minefield Parade! Ben, looking like a clean-shaven version of one of those cavemen from the insurance commercials, sits down to chat with Chris Harrison, and he says it's good to be back. Then he starts talking about the last time he was on the show.
When I come to, the women have started arriving. "It's go time," says Ben. Rachel, a fashion sales rep from NYC, is happy he's there; as opposed to an axe murderer (I remain unconvinced). Erika is a law student from Chicago. "The verdict is in, and you are guilty ... of being sexy," she says, so I guess she hasn't gotten to the "perjury" part of law school yet.
Amber's last name is Bacon, so her friends call her the Baconator, and she is from British Columbia, and for patriotic and bacon-related reasons I will cut her some slack. She's from Port Coquitlam, or as people from Port Coquitlam pronounce it, "Vancouver." Elyse is a personal trainer from Chicago. She's gonna make him sweat.