There's a shot of one more rose left on the table, so I guess Ben is going to hand out five or six more -- oh, hold everything, Chris Harrison is telling us that that's the final rose. Glad we cleared that up. Ben spins the rose around in his fingers while staring at it for five hours before announcing "Jenna." Oh, groan. Hey, any time you get to keep around someone who got so drunk and weepy on the first night that she ALMOST MISSED THE ROSE CEREMONY you have to do it, right? That means the Baconator is gone, as is Anna the Beautiful but Quiet, among others. Harrison comes back out to tell all the losers that their bags are on the curb and they all need to get the fuck out now.
There are hugs exchanged. The Baconator hugs him and wishes him all the best. She's sanguine about it, but manages to get in a shot by saying she'll find someone who isn't into needy, whiny, crying girls. Amen. Lyndsie the Londoner says she doesn't know why she was eliminated, but likewise, she wants someone who loves her for herself, jokes and all.
Aw, Amber T., the critical care nurse is crying and wishing she'd been more assertive. I do feel bad the women who are so hurt by a first-night elimination that they cry real tears. Then I remember that this show is evil, and will not rest until it has hurt as many women as it possibly can.
Harrison warns us that after the next commercial break we'll see some scenes of what we can expect this season. The only reason I'm going to watch is because I bet one of these seasons they're just going to run clips from previous seasons, daring anyone to notice the difference.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. He's really starting to think that Mike Fleiss either hates women or wants everyone to hate women. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at email@example.com.
Find out what happens when Disney characters meet The Bachelor in this video from Hulu's The Morning After: