Kirsten walks forward, and Andrew takes her hands. She makes a totally crazy face, where her nose goes all out of whack and her teeth don't line up at all. Dude, this seems like a wildly inopportune time for an impromptu Tom Cruise impersonation, no? Andy! He speaks: "Kirsten, from the first moment that we met, I think you know that you took my breath away. And I have had the greatest time being with you over the past few months." Greatest or one of the top two greatest? "Tampa, Utah, my ranch in Santa Ynez." Dude, this seems like a wildly inopportune time for an impromptu spoken-word version of "Kokomo," no? Sorry. Right. "I think that you've made me feel so comfortable." So comfortable or in the top two of total comfortmakers? Let's find out: "But this is more than just feeling comfortable. This is about love, commitment, and marriage. And I told you from the first day I met you that I'd be honest with you. And I've fallen in love with Jen." Awww, snap! Bad news! Coming! Face! Falling! Hair extensions! Tangling! "I want absolutely nothing but the best for you." Which is why, for her, he is not picking himself. "I want you to know how much better I am for having met you." A well-timed thunderclap precedes a platonic kiss, and Kirsten tells Andrew with some of the poise Andrew's brother mentioned before he succeeded in toppling it completely, "I just want you to be happy." She walks away with him following behind. She bids him a final goodbye and gets the hell back in the limo as the Forlorn Riff Of The Unrequited kicks up on the soundtrack.
Kirsten doesn't waste time before bursting into tears in the limo, sniffling, "I did put my whole life on the line for Andrew, and I have so many pieces to pick up now." Wow. I didn't see that it took the driver longer to get away from the front walk because the trunk was so bogged down with her heavy, heavy emotional baggage. "Opening yourself up can really open a lot of doors and this time it closed one but I'm gonna be okay." She does the crazy laugh/cry of the deranged Cousin Stewart as Andy moves back into position, and she adds that this may well be "a bad dream." It was. Our long, national nightmare? Over. And, as a reminder of why we hated her so much in the first place: "Right now he's proposing to Jen and it makes me want to throw up." Awwww. Bitchy in life, bitchy in death. I guess the grapes weren't the only things crushed after all.