Bachelor
Sibling Bling Rivalry

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Djb: C+ | Grade It Now!
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WASP Bites

Tiny, tiny, tiny cups of post-dinner coffee lead us to a room I'm guessing they must call "the drawing room." The elegantly passive-aggressive third degree continues, Andrew 2.0 asking, "What scares you the most?" Ghosts! Jen says that what panics her more than anything is putting herself out there and having Andy choose Kirsten. Andy tells us he's impressed that Jen would answer his brother's questions so candidly. They all hug her goodbye and whisper encouraging comments, and as Andy and Jen walk out, he thanks her for meeting his "crazy family." Back inside, Brooks Firestone The Millionth tells the assemblage that "Jennifer was fun to be with. She made the party work." Why do these people keep talking about "the party"? Is that rich people slang for something? Was Crazy Cousin Stewart not good enough for "the party"? Anyway, they all think she was the grooviest.

Olive Garden commercial alert! Holy crap, does that kick ass. Anyone rather go and join that "party"?

Okay, and this is why I think maybe Andrew might be kind of a jerk, a little. "Waking up this morning," he tells us, "I was so excited to see Kirsten." Okay, fine. "I'm going to put my date with Jen on hold." Except for the part where he's "in love" with her. We're back at Rancho Relaxo, Andy showing up at Kirsten's guesthouse with two horses in tow. She tells us in an interview that she "can't believe" she's here, and we cut to them horseback-riding through the vineyard. More rehashing in Andy's interview about how "fun" and "outgoing" Kirsten is, and I guess he rules out another overuse of the word "vivacious" because he already landed the triple-letter score on "Ynez" and wants to give somebody else a chance, for crying out loud. Well, he's not going to find much competition in this crowd, what with Kirsten's conversational volley of "It's a lot bigger, than, like, y'know?" Too true, too true. They bemoan the tragic fate of kids who are brought up in cities (oh, I'm sorry...in the one authoritarian "The City"), Kirsten going so far as to proclaim, "I would never want to raise kids in The City!" Okay, lunchtime poll: a show of hands if you believe that the only way to raise a well-adjusted child is to home-school them on a thousand-acre ranch while teaching them cultural diversity by talking about "people who are different than us" and taking a trip to visit a heavily-sedated Crazy Cousin Stewart. Anyone? Hello? Okay, hands down. Okay, heads up, Seven-Up. Hey! No peeking! Man oh man, am I bored.

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Bachelor

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