Bachelor
Spill The Whine

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Retreading Water

Inside, at a different moment, Elizabeth asks, "What's your last name?" Andrew offers it up again, and Elizabeth rather humorously responds, "Like the tires...that I have on my car?" He's quick on the defensive: "We make wine now." Outside, Rachel tries it out: "Rachel Leigh Firestone. I don't know. It could work." It won't work.

Andrew tells the camera, "We make wine now." It's really all I can hear anymore. What he really says is, "I've been pleasantly surprised that there are twenty-five girls who are willing to risk it all and see what could potentially come of this." We move onto one-on-one time, during which Andy can sit down with each of the girls for three to five minutes in order to begin scientifically narrowing down which one he's in love with enough to shower love and coats made of money on for the rest of his mortal days. Let's start with Christina from Florida. Again.

They sit outside the house, Christina beginning, "So little time, so many girls to talk to." Andy makes a strange, constipated noise that connotes frustration or constipation, responding, "It could be worse. It could be a lot of time and no girls to talk to." Ah, yes. Guy Sitting in a Room by Himself, the reality television craze that's sweeping the America and the miniscule parts of Canada blessed with the English language, bless their frozen souls. Christina shares with us that she's "confident" that she'll get a rose at the end of the night. I would say something about it being the most shocking ever, but now that the contestants themselves have lampooned that gag in the closing credits shakedown, it's pretty much dead for good. Nevertheless, it will be. The most. Shocking. Rose. Ceremony. Ever.

Audree and Andy sit outside, Andy asking Audree a question merely as a segue to tell a story about himself. He wants to know, "When was the last time you were..." He trails off. "...In a serious relationship?" she finishes. Well, I guess because she got to finish the question, he gets to talk next, and Andy tells her, "I missed that." I think he said "missed" it, meaning he hasn't had much experience in serious relationships, and I think Audree thinks he said "miss" it, meaning he was recently in a serious relationship but that he isn't anymore. I think. I'm not sure which is right, but if I'm right, it makes her congressional filibuster on the merits of having somebody there for the "last call of the day" sound kind of invalid. Which is a pretty interesting booze metaphor, coming as it does from someone who drinks only the glory of the Lord, rather than sipping from the cauldron of the devil's poison, whether at last call or during any other time of the day as well.

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Bachelor

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