Bachelor
Spill The Whine

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Retreading Water

Y'all know that ubiquitous Sims commercial when the Sims mom catches her Sims daughter playing strip poker with her three friends and takes over the game? The mom's dress, her facial expression, and her plastic, pixelated facial expression are identical to those of Stephanie's as she turns her Crazy Eyes on Andrew. She tells us that they had a great conversation, and that Andy seems like someone she could "really settle down with." Well then, it's just a matter of stealing that big spinning diamond away from the other girls and making sure it keeps floating over her head long enough to get her man to the Sims altar and into a house they build themselves.

Amy is cold, so gallant Andy gives her his jacket in absence of a puddle for him to lay the thing over for her to walk on. I told you she shouldn't have gone strapless.

Andy and Tina bond over beer.

Andy and Liz talk about Chicago and fun, Liz saying without irony, "I live in Chicago! It's all fun!" What she means is, of course, "I live in Chicago! Michigan Avenue is Fifth Avenue with the stores in a different order!"

Andy and Old Christina talk about whether or not he believes in love at first sight, his response evasive enough to belie his true meaning, "I do believe in love at first sight. With somebody besides you."

Oooh, we're through the looking glass now, people. We're inside the house, watching Andrew and Kristen (or, wait, is that Kirsten?) talk to each other while the rest of the women sit inside and cattily judge. One of them notes that they're mirroring the other's body language, which is a good sign for Kristen/Kirsten. However, Andy shifts then to sit with his arms crossed, which they deem "defensive" and a good sign for them. In voice-over, Audree fills us in that things are getting "competitive." Back outside, Tina tells Andy that she's "ready to move to the next step." She is vaguely mannish. Angela claims that she's not going to "compete for his attention," and Christina tells us that the whole thing seems kind of "high school-y." Brooke claims that she and Andrew have "chemistry." She'd "definitely like to walk away with a rose." Elizabeth makes the sign of the cross. Stephanie, per Stephanie, "will definitely get a rose tonight." Just then, Chris kills the party completely, clanging his wineglass with a knife and pulling Andrew away. Andy it sitting between two women on the couch, and he shakes his head, afraid, when Chris tries to take him away. Heh. The women bray with laughter, and they exit the room as Andy tells us in an interview, "I certainly hope I don't miss something and make a mistake."

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