Bachelor
Spy In The House Of Love

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Spy In The House Of Love

Previously on The Bachelor: Jesse Palmer met twenty-five women, and none of the women knew that Jesse's best friend Jenny was a spy in the house of love. Jesse narrowed the field, and Julie and Mandy Jaye "caught his eye," but his opera date with Trish was the most exciting, mostly due to the French kissing and sexual innuendo. All the ladies hated Trish, because she's a whore, and they felt Jesse was being snowed.

The sun rises outside Bachelorette Mansion. Inside, Trish is wearing a turtleneck and a blazer. She is seriously fifty-two years old. She doesn't want to get too excited over one good date, especially since she hasn't slept with the guy yet. Trish employs Kim's Least Favorite Rhetorical Device by asking questions and then answering them herself. All you need to know is that Trish had a great time, but she also knows that she might be sent home. Jenny's also wearing a turtleneck as she interviews that she is Jesse's spy, and that she plans to tell Jesse everything. Everything! Trish points out that Jenny has been "such a good, like, counselor," and Jenny says that "true love starts with friendship." Gasp! Is she saying that she loves Jesse? Just the first of many hints that will be dropped this episode. Trish says that she gets bored (when people don't give her their full attention). Jenny voice-overs that she's worried about how the others will react when they find out about her spying. Jenny says that she's just trying to "take it all in, and then take it all with a grain of salt." In other words, Trish is a big liar. But more on that in a moment.

Tara runs outside to grab the Date Box, then brings it inside and opens it up. She interviews that it was "full of film things." Suzie starts screaming like Rod Roddy (RIP) just told her that she might win a new car. She slurs, "Oh my God! Are you serious? This is so exciting!" Suzie reads the card, wherein Jesse asks her to join him for dinner and a movie. Okay, seriously. Suzie needs to calm the fuck down. She's on the show, so she knew there was a chance that she would go on a date with Jesse, and dinner and a movie isn't exactly a trip to Hawaii or something. Man. The other women clap for her. But what does Jenny think? Jenny (wearing yet another turtleneck sweater) interviews that she was ecstatic because she likes Suzie for Jesse. Suzie is still squealing that she can't believe this, like, did she never see this show before? I would need a lot of drugs and alcohol if I had to live in that house with those women. All the people in the forums would be like, "What's up with Kim? She's not even that cute, and she's drunk all the time. I think she has a problem."

The sun sets, and Jesse walks out of his mansion carrying a corsage, like he's going to the prom. Has anyone worn a corsage since high school? Maybe if you are the mother of the bride or something. My mom wanted to buy me a corsage to wear at my bridal shower, and I was like, "Why would I do that?" and she realized, "Wow, you're totally right." Which is one of many reasons I love my mom. Jesse interviews that he's excited to spend time with Suzie. He adds that "this is by far the most important week." More important than the final week? He reminds us that there are ten women left, and that one of them is his spyfriend, so he has nine women who are "very close in [his] mind." Did he just admit that he's fantasized about a gang bang? Jesse arrives at the women's house, and every single woman has to greet him at the door so that they can look jealous. Suzie walks out wearing an ill-advised pink and black striped tube top, but then again, I've never met a tube top that I didn't think was ill-advised. Trish interviews that she's on a different level than Suzie. Yeah, different age level. Trish claims that she is "elegant, professional, sophisticated -- not a blabbering idiot." Just remember that elegance and sophistication later when Trish is blabbering about her alleged sex life. Jesse and Suzie leave, and the other women holler things like "Don't do anything we wouldn't do" and "Be good!" Trish rolls her eyes and is like, "Speak for yourself!" because, as we will soon find out, she is a whore. A side note, because I am a guest recapper and people may not know my belief system -- I'm being sarcastic when I call Trish a whore. And in other meta news, I probably got a few of the women's names wrong in group scenes. I did the best I could, but there are a lot of blondes, and I apologize. And now, back to the recap.

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