Bachelor
Spy Vs. Not Spy

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Your Trish Your Trish Is On His List

"Katie, could I, could I talk to you?" The Pumpkin stutters. "He pulls her aside for some alone time as the two of them nurse their drinks, which appear piping hot and full of cheer, so I'm certain there's absolutely no alcohol in them at all. Mandy Jaye (who? Exactly) tells us in a confessional that looks like it was edited by either Suzie's very first patient or her very last, "I am a little bit jealous of [Katie's] alone time because she is not supposed to be here." Over on a nearby snowy knoll, Katie wears a long white scarf of shame and a knit cap to cover her scarlet "A" (for "Actually, you should have gotten out while you can") as she accepts praise from The Pumpkin for not throwing the rose in his face. We're treated to the shot of last week in which The Pumpkin calls out the wrong name. Katie, meanwhile, tells us in a confessional that she hopes the next time she gets a rose it's because Jesse calls her name "because he knows it." It's the key to loving The Pumpkin. Keep you chin low and your standards even lower.

Back at Catty Balou, titties and boobies rule the day. Honestly, Fleiss. You could easily head off those nasty little remarks about your being a sexist marketer of women if you stopped forcing them to wear skimpy bikinis and lie out by the pool. Which you will do, when you finally come to realize with the rest of the planet that not one straight male has ever watched this show, ever, not even by accident. And even if they did, aren't there other places to get the titties? The titties, they are everywhere. Nevertheless, we find ourselves poolside, girls frolicking with abandon and rubbing tan-enhancing oils on one another. Trish is soon to take her leave and come back in a thong. Or, as she calls it, a "thong th-thong-thong-thong," because it's nice to have the originality not only to be an attention whore, but also other kinds of whore as well. She walks back to the pool with a little sarong (sarong s-s-sarong) wrapped around her, and then yanks it off. Oh, my god! She's been rubbing her ass in the face of The Spy! They have the same blurry condition! Seriously, people. They actually blur out Trish's ass as she's lying down on her chaise thing. She tells us she's wearing the thong so that she can be "tan and pretty" for her date. In her assless chaps? To the gay rodeo? Suzie thought she was going to "throw up." Jessica B. (isn't she on the date right now?) thinks it's "obnoxious." Trish tells Jenny (who is The Spy) that she applauds women who don't have kids. Jenny seems troubled. Finally. "This show is ass" becomes a literal part of the lexicon.

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