Bachelor
Spy Vs. Not Spy

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Your Trish Your Trish Is On His List

Jesse wastes no time: "Do you ever see yourself having a big family?" Trish volleys back that she thinks about not ever having children, adding, "I don't know that I'd be popping out four kids." An utter turnaround is suddenly in progress, Jesse saying he didn't think he was ready to have kids at this point anyway, and we kick it to a confessional in which Jesse tells us, "She talked about kids and she talked about family, and she's talked about things that are very, very important to her." Like how much she doesn't want kids and hates all families. Back at the house, Tara notes, "I don't think that Jesse needs to waste any more time getting to know Trish." And, at the end of the date, Trish and Jesse make with the nookie as Trish tells us, "In my dating experience -- and my god, I've had a lot of it -- this one takes the cake." Hooker.

A big-ass honkin' RV pulls up to the house and picks up the eight women for the next date. After a game of football best played in montage, they sit down to a Q&A with The Bachelor. A girl I'm going to guess is Kristy tells Jesse, "When we all found out you were the The Bachelor, I had someone that printed me off a question-and-answer with Jesse Palmer" in which he said that he didn't want to be married until he was thirty. That's a hell of a way to use your assistant, Kristy. Jesse replies that he's been "playing the field" for the last two and a half years, and that he's tired of waking up and seeing a face he doesn't recognize. Kristy takes to a confessional and takes major umbrage in that statement, telling us that someone who would say that isn't the kind of person she wants to be with. Totally. Enjoying marrying a virgin.

Jesse tells us that he's happier than ever that his spy is with him on this date, and the two of them retire to a private room to speak of this further. She's all blurry faced until they get inside the room, but the next time the camera lands on her, she reveals herself to be -- dun-DUN-duuuuuuuun -- Jenny. And she would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids. Jesse expresses confusion, so she clarifies by asking him who his top picks are right now. "I had an amazing time with Trish last night," he tells Jenny, and she wastes no time before explaining, "She has made quote after quote after quote about money and being comfortable and I know what I want." ["'Made quote'? Good thing she's not a spy in the house of syntax, because it wouldn't be long before she was...well, made." -- Wing Chun] Jesse responds that he finds this news "interesting," saying it in a long, thoughtful drawl that means, "I already knew that, but, see, she's a really easy lay." Jenny adds that her favorite is Tara, and Jesse makes Jenny cry when he tells her he wouldn't be able to do this without her. Without her, he'd merely be flagrantly neglecting the advice of the forums and the nation, rather than just a well-meaning friend.

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Bachelor

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