The Bachelor Revealed (Season 2)

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Love Is in the Heir

Commercials. ABC tries to convince us that Push, Nevada is the best new series on television. Yesterday at work, I read a wire story about how media analysts are already predicting that ABC will be the big "loser" when it comes to primetime viewers this year. ["Again. That's what you get for deciding that your programming strategy should focus on 'family' shows. Because families watch videos, and go to bed at 9:30." -- Wing Chun]

When we return, it's time to meet Bachelor #2: Jason, thirty, a recruiter from San Francisco. Never in the history of reality television has anybody engendered in me the level of white-hot hatred that Jason does in less than two minutes of airtime. Even Brian Dunkleman took a couple of episodes. Even Josh from Big Brother took thirty minutes. This is the guy who thinks he is "more unique" than us. Jason introduces himself by telling us that he's America's most-eligible bachelor. Jason is allergic to shirts. He explains that he wants to find a woman who isn't interested in money. He says that he wants a woman who will love him even if he gives her a ring out of aluminum foil or takes her to the "Target snack bar." He kind of had me, but then he lost me. He starts off acting like he doesn't want a gold-digger, but ends up sounding like he wants a partner with absolutely no expectations of attention from him. And it sounds like he has no interest in giving her any, either. He exercises in that park where they shoot everything in San Francisco in because it has a background view of the Golden Gate bridge. A friend explains that he nominated Jason because he's the "quintessential bachelor." Jason explains that he lives in a bachelor pad that is "without a woman." He makes her sound like a home furnishing: "I used to keep my woman in the living room, but she clashed with the wallpaper, so I moved her to the dining room." Jason says he lives his life by three "creeds": "Timing is everything; actions speak louder than words; and you can't put a price tag on fun." In the unlikely event you need more warning signals about avoiding this guy, never date somebody who lives his life according to a collection of predictable clichés. Jason says, "There's [sic] not a lot of people like me. And I mean that in a non-conceited way." Sadly, there are far too many men like Jason -- narcissistic twits who confuse their own self-absorption with honesty.

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