Bachelor
The Bachelor Revealed (Season 2)

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Love Is in the Heir

Commercials. When we return it's time for Aaron, twenty-eight, a banker from Springfield, MI. Although he's actually from Springfield, MO, so great work on the fact-checking. Aaron is the beefy blond jock who screwed every cheerleader at your high school. Aaron is the vice-president for a string of "family-owned" banks across the Midwest. Aaron is featured prominently as a model on a billboard for said banks, so clearly he's a member of the family in question. Hooray for nepotism! Aaron explains that he makes important decisions every day. Wow, I hope I get to make important decisions someday, too. Aaron is also a pilot and can play the piano. He's building his own restaurant. You know who builds their own restaurants? Bored dilettantes who don't need to worry about making ends meet. I bet he put in about twelve hours of actual work on the place. We see clips of him making coffee and cleaning the kitchen with his shirt off. Some bank employee is forced to tell us all that Aaron would make a great husband or else she'll get fired. Aaron explains that he grew up in southwest Missouri and got a degree there in mechanical engineering, then traveled to Italy for a year. Then he later got his MBA and joined daddy's business. He sounds like Dickie from The Talented Mr. Ripley, except replace Jude Law with Marc Blucas. They show his last name (Buerge) on one of his diplomas. I looked it up online, and the only accomplishment I was able to find of his was starting a new chapter of The Rotary Club in Oklahoma. Oh, and he went to one of the worst colleges in Missouri's state system. He's a dumb jock. A handsome and seemingly nice dumb jock, but a dumb jock nevertheless. Aaron zooms around on a speedboat that was probably a graduation present from Daddy. He blathers that he's not perfect blah blah blah finding the right partnercakes.

Back at the mansion, Chris insists that it "takes a rare person to search for a soulmate on national television." I wouldn't exactly call thousands of desperate people begging to be on your show "rare." Chris insists that last season, The Bachelor was event television. Okay, that's not entirely inaccurate. It certainly did get a lot of press and viewers. Chris adds that there were even Bachelor parties. By way of proof, we get clips of a bunch of girls at a sorority house watching the show along with their gay sidekicks. You know, I don't want to generalize sorority girls, but...well, gathering around to watch a show about landing a husband? It doesn't exactly change my impression of them. And I am not going to sit here and describe people watching last season's shows. Other than pointing out that these sorority girls are just as tense over who is going to be picked as are the actual women on the show. Scary and sad.

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