Bachelor
The Bachelor Revealed (Season 2)

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Love Is in the Heir

Now that the show has stopped flinging steaming fresh piles of bullshit our way, it's time to reveal this season's first bachelor. It's Aaron, the heir to the "banking empire." There is nothing based out of Springfield, Missouri, that can accurately be called an empire, but whatever. The producers insist that Aaron is a "total catch for any woman." One truly delusional producer claims that Aaron will capture "the attention of the nation." Aaron smiles in his tuxedo. Aaron rubs a rose across his naked back. How creepy. Aaron is all excited and happy. The producers explain that Aaron was slightly better than all the other candidates in every category. Aaron tells us that he gets great responses from people because he's so genuine. Don't ever trust somebody who has to tell you that he's genuine. It's the same as the "deep" thing. He also tells us that he's modest and gracious. We get another clip show of Aaron's "accomplishments" of having been born to the right family. He tells us that dating in front of America doesn't bother him at all because he is who he is, whatever the hell that could possibly mean. He concludes the show by saying that he's sure he could find somebody among the women who he would want to marry.

Next week: Aaron kisses women all over the place. Sad, sad women claim to have fallen in love at first sight. Women fight and yell and stuff. Another woman practically loses her mind at the thought that Aaron doesn't love her. Shack develops a drinking problem.

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