Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | 489 USERS: C+
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The Bassmaster

Throughout this montage of women, Jay and Byron offer occasional commentary. Byron comments that Jayne is his favorite, and then he bumps fists with Jay, whatever that means. The women converse by the pool, and everyone is shocked at how old Jayne is. Oh, God. We're only halfway done with the introductions of the women. Strap in, folks! And now back to your regularly scheduled list:

Leina, age twenty-eight, is from California. She wants to have four children, and feels pressure from her mom to provide grandchildren. She's ready to settle down.
Tanya, age thirty-one, is from Texas. As she's gotten older, dates have gotten more scarce. Yeah, she's ancient.
Elizabeth, age twenty-eight, is from Chicago. She wants a confident man who can provide strength, because she's a strong woman. I don't know.
Alma, age thirty-five, is from Oregon. She looks totally normal here, but wait until later. She's had terrible luck with reality shows in the past (she was on Single in the City).
Kristin, age twenty-seven, is from Florida. She's ready for marriage because she went to college, started a career, bought a house, got a dog, and marriage is the next thing on her checklist. And she must complete the checklist in the correct order!
Jennifer, age thirty-one, is from Seattle. She's a whore. Okay, she said she's been dating a lot. Same difference, right? She thinks her best feature is her lips. She fails to mention her giant fake breasts.
Abby, age twenty-nine, is from Las Vegas. She doesn't tell people that she's an acrobat, because men will ask inappropriate questions. She wants to be married before she's thirty. So she has less than a year. Of course, they do these things more quickly in Vegas.
Natalie, age thirty-four, is from Los Angeles. She has bad hair. It looks like a helmet. She loves romance and meaningful relationships.
Melinda, age thirty-nine, is from Nashville. She's never had to fight for love, but she thinks she'll step it up.
Susie, age thirty-two, is from Hollywood. She hasn't focused on her personal life much, but she's ready to do it now.
Ashley, age thirty-one, is from Santa Barbara. She's divorced, but it's amicable. She's ready to love again.
Kelly, age thirty-four, is from Beverly Hills. She's the one who brought her dog, a four-month-old French Bulldog. It's pretty cute, but that's rude.

Bachelor

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