The Bassmaster

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The Bassmaster

Byron walks Tanya out to the pool for a one-on-one. She asks how it's going, and he says that it's "getting harder by the minute." Dirty! Byron interviews that he's getting to know the women more, and that it's making his decision more difficult. Just one time, I wish The Bachelor would be like, "Yeah, there are a couple of real losers here, so this should be a piece of cake." Please? Just once? Tanya complains about her lack of access to Byron, and Byron says that she made a great impression. Tanya interviews that she voted for Jay, but that if she had more time with Byron, he would have had her vote. Well, of course she says that NOW. Byron wonders why Tanya isn't in a relationship. Tanya hasn't found the right person.

Byron walks into the room of women and sits down. He interviews that his soulmate is probably in the room, and that he's trying to keep the night's events in his mind forever. Chris Harrison shows up and ruins everything, as usual. Cheresse interviews that she's nervous going into the Rose Ceremony. She really is the narrator. She can't get eliminated. Who will do the play-by-play? The women file out of the room. Andrea interviews that she really thinks she'll marry Byron. Of course she does. Byron interviews that the evening has changed his mind about several women, so it will be difficult. Yeah, so we've heard.

The women assemble for the Rose Ceremony. Most of the other women clearly touched up their makeup and hair in the interim, but Alma just looks drunk, shiny, and confused. Love her. Chris announces that there are fifteen roses, and twenty-five women, so you do the math. He makes the usual noise about how the women can decline the rose, but no one ever does that anymore. Byron makes a speech about how the women stood in his shoes and know what he's feeling. Byron tells them to consider this an investment in their future together. All fifteen of them. Get on with it!

Byron finally offers roses to Cheresse, Wende, Tanya, Leina, Kelly, Kelly's boobs (just checking if you were paying attention), Jayne, Natalie, Elizabeth, Krysta, Amanda, Kristie, Susie, Cindy, Ashley, and Crazy Andrea. While we are waiting for the final rose to be delivered, the camera focuses on Alma for an instant, and I swear to God in addition to the bad hair, glasses, and shiny face, she has grown a giant zit or mole on her chin during the ceremony. God, I wish she was staying. She amuses me. Nothing that interesting happens while the roses are given out, except that a coyote howls at one point, and Kelly's stupid dog keeps barking. And the women keep trying to one-up each other on how they accept the rose, each one more enthusiastic and sexy than the next, until by the end, Andrea practically licks Byron's face. Amy wipes away a tear as Chris walks back up and excuses the unchosen. Oh, Amy. I had such high hopes for you.

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