Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Djb: C | 642 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
No Chris is Good Chris

After a full production break to reset all of the cameras for a Rose Ceremony and after a full round of confessionals from all of the girls (er, I mean "Right away and not a moment later"), Chris and Bob are standing next to each other. Bob has a terror-stricken look on his face as he explains, "I hope you all know that I didn't expect this, so I hope all you guys can kind of bear with me a little bit." Well, except he knew about the idea of the Elimination Date, I'm sure. And even if he wasn't told as explicitly as the girls were (which I'm sure he was), he might have thought to say, "I don't like Chris that much either, but why are you so adamant about not seeing him here NOW?" at some point in the earlier riveting San Francisco exchange. And, seeing it didn't happen that first night, it was going to happen on one of the other two. I'm not saying the decision wasn't difficult for Bob, but this raw, numbing shock is a weensy bit overstated, wouldn't you say? It's "I have to get rid of the one girl I haven't drunkenly macked with in the pool yet," not "Oh no, space monkeys are attacking." Just for clarity's sake.

And can someone turn down the waterfall in the outdoor fountain? I know that hotel is nice and all, but no one said the Rose Ceremony needed to take place in the tiki bar at the Rainwater Café. They're making the man scream.

Estella, will you accept this rose? But it's white! Isn't that the rose of chastity? Should it make us feel that maybe Misty won't get one after all?

Misty, will you accept this rose? Oooh. If the expression "jump the shark" hadn't itself done so, Bob would just have at this moment.

Kristi, will you accept this rose? I'm officially rooting for her to win it all.

Jen, will you accept this rose? Oh, great. Another bland, blonde dark hose Jen in an ill-fitting gown gets another step closer to being the Bachelor's final prize.

In the limo, Lindsay cries and tells us, "I really think Misty should be in this limo. I do. I do. I don't think she's right for Bob. I don't." She has her last ever word in subtitles, as I can't understand her through the racking sobs as she tells us, "It sucks. It really sucks." Whatever. This show was a full Lindsay over its "Lindsay Quota" anyway.

Bachelor

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