Bachelor
The Final Two Women Meet Brad's Family

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The Final Two Women Meet Brad's Family

Final date. DeAnna 'etterview: what real couples do, simple things in life, I see myself marrying him, blah blah. DeAnna has fixed lasagna, and a salad which appears to contain iceberg lettuce. Not that she should have made a Greek salad, necessarily, but if you want the man to take a knee, you make production spring for the red leaf. The conversation at the table is awkward, because the only thing these two really know how to talk about is their relationship and each other, so Brad has to fill a lot of dead air raving about the meal, and DeAnna is a little too pleased about knowing how to cook…maybe the last date always has these ooky antediluvian "let's make sure she can do homemaker stuff" overtones, I don't know, but it's still kinda gross. DeAnna doesn't seem to notice; she's psyched that Brad is talking to her about things like having kids and what happens if he leaves the toilet seat up. Oh, for the love of little apples. Can we please, as a culture, agree not to discuss the fucking toilet seat as if it has any relevance to relationships anymore? If it's not in the position you need, you can flip it up or down as necessary, because the thing about the toilet seat is that IT HAS A FUCKING HINGE ON IT. Who is in charge of bills? How much goes into savings every month? What happens if your baby is born with a serious illness? Where do we spend the holidays? It's a joke that these "relationships" get serious so fast, but if they're going to get serious, fucking get serious and don't waste your time or mine on dated-stand-up-comedy-routine bushwa like the goddamn toilet goddamn seat.

God.

So. DeAnna "laughs" that she wants things around the house done the way she wants them done. Brad laughs too, but son, she ain't joking. It's alllll fun and games until you put a drink down without using a coaster. The two of them curl up on the couch, and DeAnna delivers her "I want this for the rest of my life" spiel, blinking incessantly and using a baby voice that almost goes over. On and on she goes about how she's found what makes her happy and she knows it's not always perfect and she "can't imagine that" he shares "those things with anyone else," and she says that part semi-hard-assedly, which I think is a mistake, because you can sort of see Brad thinking that 1) she doesn't get it, and 2) because he does like Jenni also, he's fucked. Kissing, and once again it's DeAnna who makes the move. Brad VO: I can see "DeAnna and I" (argh) lasting forever, but…Jenni. He's confused.

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