There are just eleven women left, and if you thought things were serious before, Chris Harrison has some news for you: things are about to get EVEN MORE SERIOUSER, seriously. Also, EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TO CHANGE, because they're leaving Los Angeles, he tells them, and they get all excited even though they have no idea what's going to happen. Brad has already left Los Angeles, Harrison tells us, and half of the women are excited about THAT for some reason, and the other half gasp like Harrison said Brad DIED for god's sake. These women have the attention span of particularly dense squirrels.

There's lots of shaky travel footage as the women go to Vegas, and they are all excited, which makes sense, because when you think "lifelong commitment to your romantic partner" you think Las Vegas.

They're staying at the Aria, and the limousine with the women pulls up and they get all giggly because Brad is there waiting for them, which seems to come as something of a surprise for some of them. You know, maybe they're not so much like squirrels as they're like dogs who, when their owner leaves the room, they have no idea if their owner is ever coming back. But there's Brad! Bradly braddy Brad!

"They're happy, I'm happy," Brad tells us, after they check into a suite that probably costs more for one night than my wife and I spent on our entire vacation there last summer. The date card arrives, and Michelle reads it, probably expecting that it's for her, but it's for Shawntel. "Let's end tonight with a bang," reads the date card, and thankfully these classy broads make jokes about fucking. And then in an interview Shawntel expresses the legal opinion that tonight HAS to end with a bang because it's printed on the card, and maybe she could explain exactly what she wants in terms of the date ending with a bang.

Brad's going to have fun in Vegas, but he's taking it seriously, y'all! He's excited to go out with Shawntel, says Brad, who then gives himself a compliment by saying, "Every time I'm around, she lights up." You idiot, you're supposed to reverse the subject and the object of the sentence to make it a compliment for her.

And then he takes her to a mall for a shopping spree, albeit "one of the nicest malls in the world," he says. And I saw some sad people in Vegas, but none so sad as the crowd of gawkers watching these two pinheads, with some actually filming their shopping spree on cell phones. Brad says it's every woman's dream to go from shop to shop to pick out anything she wants. I guess if Brad's going to make statements like that, he's going to end up with women like the ones on this show. Shawntel goes nuts. Are we all supposed to believe that A) Brad is paying for any of this or B) even if he is, that money equals romance?