And then his champagne cork pops prematurely (not a euphemism), and he calls her the hottest funeral director he knows, which is supposed to be a joke but is really kind of a dickish thing to say, and he gives her the rose, and then fireworks go off on the roof of the Aria, and the women in their hotel suite throw themselves against the window trying to see the fireworks, and get all glum about the Brad and Shawntel on the fireworks date, instead of realizing that fireworks go off every night in Vegas.

Next day: group date time: "Let's go speed dating." The women clap and giggle like they have any idea what that means. Jackie, Emily, Lisa, Marissa, Alli, Chantal, Britt and Michelle are the ones going.

That means that the two Ashleys are going on a two-on-one date, which means that only one of them will be coming home. The two Ashleys cry and hug and carry on about it, like the woman who doesn't get the rose will be put to death. The other women act similarly shocked -- one of them says something like, "That's awful, you've come so close!" and you kind of want to remind her that it's either them or you. Michelle can barely hide her glee at the prospect of separating the Ashleys. Say what you will about Michelle, at least she knows that every woman who goes home is a step closer to her winning. She's so excited that she hopes BOTH Ashleys go home, which then gives her an orgasm.

So what's the group date? It's a trip to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway, a NASCAR track. Finally, we're going to combine the excitement of a "sport" that involves watching traffic turn left for two-hundred laps with The Bachelor! Brad arrives in a racecar and is somewhat surprised not to be immediately fellated by all of the women in his sexy racing-car-guy suit. Then we watch some corny shots of Brad and his harem dressed in race outfits and walking shoulder to shoulder through the smoke of a NASCAR track, and then we watch the women drive slowly around the race track while the edits try to make it seem like they're racing each other at the same time, instead of for the most part just taking turns doing a lap around the track.

And as we all know, Emily's fiancé was a racecar driver who died. Not racing, mind you, but in a plane crash (which is why the plane ride was tough on her). But since racing is what he did, this is tough on her too. Look, I'm no bereavement counselor; take all the time you need. But if everything you do reminds you of your dead fiancé -- and you're wearing what looks like an engagement ring on your left hand -- maybe you're not ready to date again. Emily tells us that Brad knows her fiancé died but not that he was a racecar driver, which I'll have to take her word on, because whenever I've finished an episode of this show, I delete it from my DVR, then I go all Office Space on my DVR and have to get a new one from the cable company. So I can't exactly verify it.