Bachelor
The Remaining Women Travel to Las Vegas

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"That's What You Get for Waking Up in Vegas"
d. "My first instinct would be to close off and not hurt a single woman in this process, but I can't allow myself to do that." He can't allow himself to not hurt women, he tells us. THAT'S WHAT HE TOLD US.

So he calls his therapist, who reminds him that he's there to find his wife. "Your loyalty is not to any of the girls, it's to the mission. Your mission is to find her." Brad estimates he made eighty percent of the women cry tonight. The therapist says he needs to let that stuff go, and he talks about Brad being vulnerable himself, and a whole lot of blah blah blah. It's ridiculously boring. What Brad takes out of it: "Strength and vulnerability can coexist."

Cocktail party time! Brad comes in to greet the women, and he talks about how there have been a lot of emotions and blah blah blah the exact same speech every bachelor makes every episode at the start of every cocktail party. "I want to be there if anyone wants to talk. That being said, let's have a good evening," he says. Translation: suck it up, you crybabies. Brad tells us he doesn't need the drama in his life. Aw. He talks like he's a 15-year-old girl's Facebook status.

Chantal seems dangerously on the chopping block, because of the way she cried, but she explains that it was tough on everyone to see Brad spend so much time with Emily on the group date. "Any time I see a woman cry, I'm going to stop anything I'm doing and try to comfort her," says Brad, who adds that he would have done the exact same thing with any of them. I hate to tell Brad that "I don't have time for the drama in my life" is the opposite of "NO WOMAN NO CRY." But it's not like he actually believes that shit. I think he thinks it's something that makes him sound like a sensitive stud. He also wants Chantal to stop giving him so much shit, by which he means the teasing that up until now he has said he LOVES about her.

So the rest of his night seems to be damage control, with Chantal O, with Alli, with Marissa. There is talk of "walls" and "journey" and "out of the box" and "chemistry." Now he is talking to Britt, which prompts Michelle's worst Lady Macbeth routine yet: she drags Brad into a separate room and closes the door. She sits Brad down in a chair, orders him not to talk, and lays everything out for him.

"I think you need someone who appreciates everything about you, and I don't know if some of the girls here even realize what is right in front of them." She says he wants to keep in mind that she's different from the other women here. "I think you should send some girls home now." By this point, she's punctuating her statements with kisses. See, this is why Brad's keeping Michelle. It's manipulative and transparent, but damned if it's not effective. Guaranteed he's got a boner right now. She leads him out of the room, saying that the next time they spend time together, he'll be allowed to talk.

Rose ceremony. Chris says a lot of blah blah, and then Brad comes out and talks about how he cares for all of them, but the rose ceremony is about whether he can see himself married to them.

So: Michelle. Alli. Britt. Jackie. Chantal gets the last rose, which means that Marissa and Lisa are going home. Considering that we hardly ever saw Lisa, not surprising. She hastily hugs him and then scurries off away. "Even I'm not sure which one I am!" she tells us. (Not really.)

Brad hugs Marissa and asks her to try to understand. "It hurts having to leave feeling I was rejected," Marissa says. Uh, is there another way to leave? She wipes away tears, as did Lisa, and she says the usual nonsense about putting herself out there. "I left behind a lot to come here," she says, adding that she's got so much to give, and just needs to find someone who's ready to accept it.

Of course, if Brad saw Ashley H. annoyingly trying to stuff her huge teddy bear into her suitcase, he might have sent her packing as well, and Marissa could have stayed.

Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. He's glad he went to Vegas before The Bachelor cheapened the whole place. This season, at least. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.

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