The Season 17 Finale

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
It Seems Like There's A Hole In My Dreams

And then Sean's dad sits down with her and asks if she "believes in the Bachelor process" and she says she was skeptical in the beginning -- not that she ever said anything like that in the beginning. Dad also asks her how she knows she's in love before they get married. Catherine babbles incoherently about giving herself to Sean, but Dad seems to be won over anyway, and proclaims that if she and Sean get married, she will have no bigger fan than him. "I love my dad, but my dad hasn't been my cheerleader in a long time," says Catherine, which is a huge bummer of a thing to say.

And now Sean is talking about Catherine and his family falling in love with each other like STOP SAYING "FALLING IN LOVE," IT MEANS MORE THAN JUST "MET."

He sees Catherine off and now is thinking ahead to Lindsay visiting and all the "clarity" -- there he goes again with that -- he won't have, what with Lindsay being totally awesome and just as much the object of his affections as Catherine is. Which is either bullshit (if false) or creepy (if true), and neither scenario is appealing.

Anyway, in this obviously backwards primitive nation of Thailand, elephants play and farmers harvest rice paddies, and now Sean is talking about "clarity" again and I CAN'T TAKE THREE HOURS OF THIS.

Lindsay arrives. "I feel so close to being Sean's fiancée," she tells us. Yeah, you're TOP TWO FOR THE POSITION, so CONGRATULATIONS. And much like Catherine she seems to want to marry someone whose feelings are apparently dependent on what his family thinks. Anyway, Lindsay meets the family and she and Sean talk about feeding monkeys on the beach, which Sean proclaims the "coolest thing I've ever done." Lindsay calls it a "dream come true" to be with the family of her potential fiancée, with no mention of the fact that she's not even the first woman TO DO THIS WITH THIS PARTICULAR MAN AND HIS FAMILY.

Sean's dad asks her about how she knows she and Sean won't fall out of love or whatever, and he must be relieved by the way Lindsay explains she totally wants to hang out with Sean a lot. She's no dummy, though, because she mentions prayer and compromise. Dad says he and his wife have been praying every day since Sean was born for Sean's wife, wherever she was. Well, that daily prayer must be why Sean didn't turn out gay or anything, so nice job, Sean's parents! Then Lindsay -- who might want to at least sit up straight in her chair -- asks him if she can have Sean's hand in marriage, and the very idea of a woman asking such a question cracks them both right up.

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