Bachelor
The Season 17 Finale

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It Seems Like There's A Hole In My Dreams

So she tearfully chases after him so they can cuddle a little more and he can reassure her by saying "We had fun today, right?" She calls it one of the most horrible goodbyes she's ever had. "I feel like [bleep], to be honest," she tells us. Look, you're the one trying to sell the fantasy to us, lady. It's not like we think this is the way to find a partner. She flops on her bed and cries (camera taking in her non-makeup-streaked face).

Back to the love show, Harrison picks some dullard out of the audience to ask her if it would be frustrating to say "I love you" and get "thank you for today," in response, and neglects to mention that the Bachelor and Bachelorette are obviously always told NOT to say that to any of the remaining contestants, so as not to give anything anyway. Oh, and also this audience meatsack thinks Sean might ask Catherine to marry him, or it might be Lindsay! Well, at least she's displaying a passable amount of short-term memory!

So Sean rubs his best depilatory cream all over his torso in preparation for all the thinking he has to do to help pad out this night's unconscionable three-hour run time. But surprise surprise, he has decided he's made up his mind, and there's one woman he can't live without. Well, his love for the other withered quickly, didn't it?

Then it's time to pick out the ring -- which zips by quicker than I remember from previous seasons -- and to get dressed. He's so excited to start a life together with the successful applicant!

Meanwhile, the women are getting ready, with Catherine in particular full of angst over what's going to happen today. Apart from her smoldering on screen like a James Bond love interest, that is. She's in gold, and Lindsay -- who looks nice too -- is in silver.

Back to the studio, where Harrison again asks for applause from Lindsay fans and Catherine fans, and Catherine gets more applause. Then he introduces Lesley, Sarah, AshLee and Jackie. He asks Lesley who she thinks Sean will choose. She picks Catherine. "She's so intelligent and independent, as is he," she says. Well, we're running out of time to see evidence of either. She also references how wacky those two kids are with that time they ran through multiplication tables. Then Harrison asks Sarah, and then busts on her for straddling the fence on it. AshLee tells us at the end of the day "it's where his heart lies." Well, thanks for coming out, AshLee. Pressed by Harrison, she picks Lindsay. Jackie calls it a tossup, and Harrison asks her who she thinks this letter -- teased endlessly by ABC -- is from. She says she doesn't know, but theorizes it might be his mom, giving him his last warning. Then Jackie -- who went on a show to compete with other women for one man's attention -- talks about how hard it is to see the man paying attention to other women.

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Bachelor

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