Bachelor

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Roz for Termination

Now it's time for dinner, and they're at a place called Shangri-La for the "wrap party" as Jake calls it, only there's no one there from In Style, naturally, and Rozlyn sees the rose sitting there and says she wants it.

Then Jake is talking with Gia one-on-one about her past relationships, and she starts talking about how she was very artsy and her first serious relationship was the "popular guy" and then Ashleigh sashays over in her bikini, while some bam-chicka-wow-wow music plays, to steal Jake. And Gia jokes that she should put on her bikini, and by joking I mean she honestly wants Ashleigh to die a horrible death, and Gia goes back to the group and tells the other women what happened, and Ashleigh gets called a "bikini buster." Ashleigh says the pool was cold which I thought was going to be a setup for a shrinkage joke but is just an excuse for her to rub her body all over Jake for some "body heat." And it's wrong for Ashleigh to do it, but not wrong for all the rest of them to do it? Which is what happens. "Ashleigh isn't the only girl here who can rock a bikini," says Gia. Yeah, good thing they all had bathing suits there, but Ashleigh's the skank because she puts hers on first, right? And then they have some kind of pool orgy, with poor cute Christina feeling out of place. "Roz has this sex appeal that I don't have," she says, confusing, as this show often does, breast implants with sex appeal.

Back at the Bachelorette house, the date card says something about someone getting to "take off on" a one-on-one date with Jake. And there's a diamond necklace that most of the women would apparently sell their families to wear. There's no name with the one-on-one date card, and Michelle jokes that maybe the date goes to the first woman who puts the necklace on. "Diamonds, diamonds, diamonds, diamonds. Oh my goodness," says Michelle in a talking-head. Thanks for the insight!

And then there's Christina stammering her way through some one-on-one time with Jake, saying she couldn't sing his praises any more than she does. She's slurring her words, and then she hums the Twilight Zone theme, and she's completely plastered, which appears to have turned Jake off. And as she's calling herself the "normal girl," then Rozlyn shows up and actually wiggles her fake breasts at him. I'm not being sarcastic. She stands there and shakes her chest at him. After Jake leaves, Christina decides it's time for another shot (of alcohol, not with Jake).

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