"What really goes on in the fantasy suite?" asks Harrison, and Jason asks if he asks everybody that question. "People really want to know!" claims Harrison. No one with a life does, Harrison. Of that I am quite sure. He says it's all about getting to know someone with cameras around, but other than that, he's not going to say. Of course he isn't. Can you imagine? "Jillian? I hit that twice."
After a blessed commercial break, Harrison starts talking about previous matches on the show, and tries on some bullshit about how "some stay together, some don't" and shouldn't it actually be "Trista and Ryan stayed together, nobody else did"? Because you know this is the annual update on these two. Man, does this show need Trista and Ryan, so they can say, "See? This show works!" The audience is applauding the mention of Trista and Ryan and baby number two being on the way, because maybe, just maybe, Trista and Ryan will be watching this and say, "I like the enthusiastic way that woman claps. Let's make her our friend."
So it's off to Vail, Colo., where Ryan is still a firefighter who just got promoted to lieutenant, and their kid is adorable, plus they're expecting a daughter in a few months. Trista says she thinks the girl will have Ryan wrapped around her little finger. Then there's Ryan testifying to "how wonderful" his life is. "It's as close to a dream come true as I could imagine," he says, like how weird that he doesn't just say, "It's a dream come true"?
Want to know who Trista thinks Jason should pick? No? Well, anyway, she picks Melissa.
Surprisingly, Ryan's poetry career has stalled, only he wrote one for Max that was supposed to be about his impending sister, so it was really weird the line about "wanting to get back in" the womb, because it was kind of like that one line about men spending the first nine months of their existence trying to get out, and then the rest of their lives trying to get back in.
And then Trista and Ryan talk about finding love and, oh, I don't know, magical rainbow puppy dog heart feathers, for all I know.
Harrison would like to inform me that the idea that Trista and Ryan are the only successful Bachelor/Bachelorette couple is a "misconception," because Charlie "found love" with Sarah, but then they broke up, but recently got back together, and I assume "got back together" means "they want to get a slice of the Trista and Ryan pie and we're only too happy to oblige them."