Anyway, they're here tonight to tell us all about it. Can you believe the luck? Can you believe that they were available? The two of them come out, and Harrison calls it "bizarre" to see them again, like nice thing to say, and he asks them to "catch us up to date." So they dated off and on for a year or two, then were off for about a year, and then have been back together for about a year now. True story! So what happened? Sarah says it was mainly due to Charlie's drinking and how she didn't "appreciate it and respond well to it." "I thought it was keeping us together!" jokes Charlie, and it's really sweet that he can make light of his relationship-destroying alcoholism, and then he says he hasn't had a drink in over two years (which would put his sobriety right around the time he broke up with Sarah, if their timeline is accurate).

So what brought them back together? She went to a Halloween party, and saw someone in a Garfield costume, and she instinctively knew it was him, and then -- and this is her telling the story, I remind you -- she went over to him and then apparently stood there with her mouth hanging open, and then she doesn't even know what happened but they went home together that night. Drunken booty call! Harrison laughs uproariously and calls that "outstanding!"

Harrison tries not to pin them down to a wedding date, which is good, because Charlie says they're "working on the relationship" and there "could" be an engagement, and there "may" be a family, and I really resent these two scrabbling for another fifteen minutes of fame, and the show itself for passing off their drunken booty-call of a relationship as a "successful" match for The Bachelor.

My god, there have been fourteen seasons of this nonsense? Harrison is going to let us find out what happens when the cameras "stop rolling." And he does this by showing us footage. I don't think Chris Harrison thinks we know what "stop rolling" means. Anyway, it looks like bachelors and bachelorettes from various seasons like to get together and have parties and fuck each other. For free! And someone who I don't know who it is (Amy, it turns out) says she heard rumours of a threesome. Yeah, well, if we're throwing out rumours in a sorry attempt at titillation, I heard rumours of an orgy! And then there's Shayne saying, "Like what the [bleep] were you thinking?" only we have no fucking clue in regards to what. And apparently Holly and Robert were dating, only he got "super creepy" on her, according to Holly herself, and then she was dating Jesse. You know, Jesse? The guy DeAnna passed over Jason for in the season RIGHT BEFORE THIS ONE? Jesse's moved on, apparently, and he's really happy, and Holly wants to inform all the ladies that Jesse is taken, to which all the ladies respond, "Actually, we're good, thanks."