Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | 905 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
With Friends Like You, Who Needs Friends?

Then Amy is telling us that Chelsea "supposably [sic]" posed for Playboy which she thinks is probably true because she's super-hot. And then Robert makes a joke about everybody in their cast picking up ten copies, and I'd really appreciate Mr. Pink Popped Polo Collar Robert keeping his fucking masturbation strategies to himself from now on. And Brian loved Amanda, who loved Graham (who was into Holly), and apparently Fred and Noelle are together, and I'd just like to say that all of these people should have paternity testing centres on speed-dial. "I love Noelle. I love her with all my heart," says Fred. "I totally love that guy!" says Noelle. They've even met each other's families! They seem genuinely happy. "We are reality show rejects that fell in love," says Noelle. Heh.

Speaking of reality show rejects, here are some of the roseless women from earlier this season. I'd actually forgotten about some of these ones. Renee? Sharon? Kari? How are these "some of the most memorable women"? Isn't this just all of them? Harrison says they're in the midst of "one of the most amazing seasons" which is partly because of who Jason is, and Harrison needles Shannon about knowing a lot about Jason, and she says she felt like she already knew him, and laughs really nervously, and I hate to tell her that she STILL comes off stalker-ish.

I don't remember this Jackie person. Are we sure she was actually on the show? Is it possible that the show is playing a trick on us? I don't believe this Jackie person was there. I call bullshit.

Then for some reason we're forced to watch some "highlights" from early episodes. I don't know why the show does this. All that winds up happening is we're reminded about how indistinguishable one season is from the next. I guess the "benefit" is watching the picture-in-picture of the bachelorettes watching themselves get cut down by the other women. This show makes all women seem like scheming emotional backstabbing messes. We revisit the tension between Megan and Erica, which is kind of like revisiting the time you got your wisdom teeth pulled out. And remember when Lauren threw them under the bus? Well, Lauren calls it "loyalty." To who? Jason? How'd that work out for you? And then Erica is obnoxiously defending her behaviour and Natalie steps in to complain about getting a little bit of fun poked at her, only to find out that people didn't actually like her. Harrison asks Stephanie what she thinks of all the "cattiness," and she says she tries to see the positive in everything, whatever that's supposed to mean.

Bachelor

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