Bachelor

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Touched by a Bachelor

Speaking of Michelle, she gets to come up, after Harrison jokes about how she might have shed more tears than any other contestant in the show's history. We watch the Michelle montage. "It will kill me if I don't get Jake," she said on the very first night. "I'm not ordinary like the other women," she said another time. There she is packing her bags. "Michelle! You are not!" yells a horrified Tenley. Hee! I love that part. More awkwardness with Michelle kissing Jake, right before she says, "You gotta give me something more than that," en route to her getting booted. There's Elizabeth saying Michelle needs a therapist, not a husband. Can't she have both?

Anyway, Michelle is still sticking to her story that she had no idea she would get booted. Harrison asks about her asking Jake to leave, which Michelle deludedly says wasn't a game. She says if she were in Jake's shoes, she would have done what he did. Harrison points out her complete vacillation between packing her bags and wanting to stay, and eventually Michelle says she doesn't think this show is a way to find love.

Ali has to step in because it's "offensive" for Michelle to say that, given that Ali fell in love. Yeah, how'd that work out for you, Ali? You're not exactly disproving Michelle's point, given that Michelle ended her run on the show with just as many husbands as you did. If Ali thinks this show is a good way to find love, she must have missed the part where Jake says Ali was in love with him, and he was in love with her. You know what happens in the real world when people are in love (by which I mean, actually in love, and not fake on-The-Bachelor love)? They stay together and have fun and also sex! Except for Jake's friends, who save the first kiss for their fifth anniversaries or whatever.

Then there is some discussion about whether her portrayal on the show was fair, with Elizabeth pointing out that Michelle was very closed off and wasn't nice to the other women unless they were on group dates. Ashleigh says they were in the limo together on the first night, and points out that right from the get-go that Michelle was upset every single night. Michelle tells Elizabeth that she doesn't need a therapist, and graciously doesn't point out that Elizabeth with her perma-Joker-smile looks a lot more crazy right now than Michelle does. And then there's Valishia, suggesting that Michelle might be just a LITTLE "emotionally unstable," and Michelle hilariously can't really be bothered responding to someone who I don't think even the other WOMEN remember being on the show. Michelle's pretty awesomely over the whole thing, despite the other women piling on her. Her attitude seems to be, "Shit happened, and then it was over."

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Bachelor

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