Every season, as I recap this show, I manage to start to think that no one watches this show sincerely, that everyone's watching ironically, taking the piss. And then we come to "The Women Tell All," featuring an audience of people who laugh and cry and nod and gasp and look utterly caught up in petty details of these people's lives. And I despair for humanity. But above all else, I blame the show, which as usual for "The Women Tell All" special, manages to mistake "any woman who has been on the show" for "the most memorable women of the season".
Chris Harrison tells us that many of the show's "fans" were "angry" about Brad being given a second chance, but he does not speculate as to the emptiness of these fans' lives that they would actually give a shit one way or the other. It would be unwise of him to do so.
And then Chris takes us to a videotaped interview with Brad, where we revisit such... well, "highlights" isn't exactly the right word... as Chantal slapping Brad after she got out of the limousine. And remember when Brad and Ashley went on that date that was creepy because it was an empty carnival in the darkness on the edge of town? Yeah, that was the very best first date Brad has ever been on he says, presumably of the ones that didn't involve roofies.
And then there's Madison and the fangs. Madison by this point is easily the least insane person who was on the show this season. Well, except for Shawntel, which this show continues to insult by presenting any clips of her working at the funeral home as though she's the goddamn Crypt keeper.
Then Harrison asks about the "most controversial" woman of the show. Harrison says if he's been asked about Michelle a million times, then Brad has been asked about her five million times, even though this interview would have been recorded long before this show even aired and therefore it was a much more beautiful world where no one had even heard of Michelle. "We had some good times, and thanks for talking to us," says Harrison, and then the women in the studio audience clap and look like they're really enjoying themselves, which is completely mystifying. Plenty of clips of audience members saying things to each other, presumably things like "I am genuinely enjoying myself" and "I like to pretend that the women on television are my friends" and "this television show is literally worse than heroin."