I rarely mention commercials in recaps any more, but every time I see this particular one, I imagine the conversation at the ad agency: "What if we imply that the M&M is going to have a large pretzel violently shoved up his ass? THAT ought to get people to buy it."
After that unsettling commercial break, we get a bunch of clips from a party of former bachelors and bachelorettes with Harrison informing everyone that due to popular demand by sadists there will be a Bachelor Pad 2 this summer, which sounds kind of like the threat a supervillain in a James Bond movie would make.
It's always fun to watch the bachelors and bachelorettes who fame forgot get together to party and hook up and trade the names of reliable venereal disease clinics. Then a guy named Craig literally puts his tongue down a woman's mouth. Elsewhere, Ashleigh looks almost exactly like Kyra Sedgwick.
Who's hooking up? Ty and Susie, Erica and Kasey, who I guess has decided to just accept that his name is spelled with a K; otherwise I don't know how he doesn't spend all his time punching himself in the face. I can't tell if these are people I've managed to forget or if I've never known who they were in the first place.
"I don't think I would ever date Kasey, but maybe I would make out with him again," says Erica. Then there's that bachelorette who was kicked off for fucking a producer. Is that the real story? Does it matter? She tells us, "We're all sexual creatures, and you need to let people see you for who you are, and if they like you, great, and if they don't, they don't," she says. That's the kind of thing said only by people who no one likes. And then there's Vienna, who still looks like someone just smacked her upside the head with a two by four.
And then... wait, this is another party? In another city? Don't these people have actual friends? Some idiot says something about Ali and Roberto being so in love that they "literally have this glow." And then someone talks about the Bachelor family, and he can't say it without sounding like they're just weeks away from a series of gruesome, ritualistic murders. "One big bizarre, dysfunctional family," says Harrison, because even he is frightened.
And now let's bring out the women, half of whom wave with both hands. Harrison asks them what their first impressions of Brad were. Ashley H., who has dyed her hair brown and uses it to cover up her vast expanse of forehead, says, "I was fully willing to give him another shot," forgetting that no one actually gave a shit if she was willing to give him another shot.