We check in with Ed and Jillian, and Frank and Alli, as if ANYONE CARES, even less than the lack of actual caring anybody actually did when these people were actually SUPPOSED to be on the show, and I guess this guy Frank dumped his girlfriend for Alli, and then he broke up with Alli to ask his old girlfriend to take him back, which she did, and now they are broken up, or something? Anyway, the Mirage is now closed for the year after a mysterious gonorrhea outbreak.
Now Chris Harrison tells us this season has had "more than its share of controversy" which is pretty damn far from being the truth. Then he introduces all the rejects, and as usual I assume that the show plays a little game by throwing a couple of new women up there just to see if we notice. Also as usual, it seems like the most recently a woman has been dumped, the less they're over their Stockholm syndrome. Then we get the montage of women's first impressions of Ben (mystifyingly universally excited), then the "the other women think Blakeley is a stripper/hooker/no-like-literally-a-hooker montage, then the montage of Jamie swallowing Ben's face, and then Courtney lying in wait by Ben's hotel room and skinny dipping (Emily actually recoils in horror).
Then Harrison asks Blakeley about how she "kicked it up a notch on night one." Blakeley gives the standard "I wasn't concerned about other women" speech, and now Rachel is talking about mean Blakeley was to her, and then Samantha starts chattering away about how she's friends with everybody, and wants to know why Blakeley couldn't be friends with everybody, and Blakeley says she's a lot more mature than her. It sounds like a shitty thing to say (especially when Blakeley alludes to not wasting time on small-minded people), but seems to be accurate given the way she and Samantha are handling things. And now there's Brittney, who I don't believe was on the show before, even with this preposterous story about how she left on her own. And now Samantha is nattering away again, and she sounds like a chipmunk. Brittney's happy because her friend Lindzi has made it to the final two. And Samantha is still calling bullshit on the whole thing, and her voice ratchets up so high that all the dogs in my neighborhood just started barking. And then Brittney calls her a Chihuahua that won't stop talking, and the audience cheers as Brittney tells her to shut up. Can't say I actually blame them.