Previously on Flatliners: overnight trips to Cabo blah blah Bettina went home.

Chris Harrison! Chris lets us know that the "jilted bachelorettes" have returned to tell all. Of course, the word "all" has a different meaning in the Bachelor-verse, to wit: very little. Chris catches us up on the season so far -- romance, broken hearts, tense competition, blah -- and welcomes some of the most "memorable" 'ettes from Season 11: Michele (toned down a bit, styling-wise, and looking much better), Kristy, Sarah, Solisa (unfortunate bangs, trying-too-hard grin smeared across her face), Lindsey, Stephy, McCarten (ack), Hillary, Jade (who needs to step away from the crimping iron and stop wearing grey next to her face), Sheena (greeted by big cheers), and Bettina (less so).

Chris leads off with a softball about the first night and whether they were excited to see the Bachelor. Jade had her face pressed up against the window of the limo, Sarah says Brad's exactly her type, and Hillary burbles that he's "hotter than David Beckham." Oh, Hillary.

Chris segues into a segment about how the competition can get "nasty," and we get a montage of previously-seen footage -- Kristy saying 25 girls fighting over one guy is a recipe for disaster, DeAnna talking about backstabbing, door-slamming, McCarten excusing her corrosive personality on the grounds that she says things "to your face," Hillary and Stephy calling other girls bitches, and so on. Then the show debuts the picture-in-picture technology via which the 'ettes can cringe at themselves while the older footage is running. As Jade snarks on all the "fake boobies" in the house, PiP shows her guffawing. Bettina is snobby about Solisa, whom PiP shows staring at the screen open-mouthed. Hillary calls Bettina a used car; PiP shows Bettina looking blank, and maybe a little disapproving (and so what -- that's how she always looks), and then Hillary cracking up. Hillary calls Stephy immature; PiP Stephy is like, "Okay then, Miss I Want Brad To Do Me From Behind." Hillary tells Jade that McCarten is McNasty, and DeAnna is McSkanky; PiP McCarten looks pissed as, onscreen, Jade laughs and Hillary says that "McNasty smells like a fish taco." Jade screams at McCarten; PiP Jade laughs; McCarten snarks on Jade; they both snark on DeAnna; Hillary's glad McCarten's leaving (roger that); McCarten cries.

Back with the live audience, Chris says it got pissy fast at the house, and asks Jade what's up with that. Jade says she didn't have problems with anyone but DeAnna and McCarten. Chris tells McCarten she and Jade were viewed as "the bullies" in the house, which McCarten answers by uptalking that maybe they were "the forward people, and the mature people? Because we were able to confront people to their faces with how we felt?" First of all, do not confuse honesty with maturity; in your case, it's selfishness, and a conceited belief that you aren't required to make an effort to get along with others. Second of all, that isn't what "forward" means, you horse's ass. The word is "forthright." Learn the English language. Third of all, I suspect you behave the way you do because you've become accustomed to being the prettiest girl in the room, and if that's true, remind me not to drink the water where you're from. Most of the other 'ettes pull "oh, is that what that was, you twunt" faces behind McCarten as she bitches about people talking behind other people's backs. Chris asks if "forward" is a nice way of saying "bully." I ask Chris if "nice" is a nice way of saying "illiterate." McCarten shrugs that she doesn't think that's being a bully, and if you have something to say, saying it to someone's face "is a lot more commendable than saying it behind their back." Yeah, you know, I think we get it. And no, it's not cool that Hillary said you smelled like a fish taco, but…it's Hillary. She goes in way too hard with that kind of comment because she's inexperienced and insecure. If you're such a commendable straight-shooter, it seems like you might have figured that shit out by now. Also, "their" is a plural; "back" is a singular. You aren't better than anyone.

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