Bachelor
The Women Tell All (Season 11)

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The Women Tell All (Season 11)

Now it's time for a montage of tacky behavior that we've already seen, but Brad hasn't: the girls talk about how hot Brad is; drinking; bikini wedgies; drunk Stephy; topless Solisa; lap-dancing Solisa; body-shotting Solisa; Hillary belching; Jenni's doofy rhyming toast; Hillary's NC-17 Brad fantasy. Back live, Hillary is giggling into her hand as Chris asks Brad if he wants to rethink his decision, and Brad points to the table centerpiece and says he wants to give Hillary one of those roses. Oh, fine: heh. Chris says he knows Brad can't tell us "how this thing ends" (soon, thank God…hee), but is Brad happy? He's never been happier, Brad says, and pops off a string of platitudes about following his heart and not being fake.

One last commercial, followed by a recruiting segment for the next Bachelor, which is a series of Bachelorettes past and present talking about their ideal man. The only comment of note is Bettina saying her dream Bach is "hot, and well-educated." Oh my God, Bettina. THER. UH. PEE.

Chris introduces footage of the final two. Brad has chemistry with Jenni. Brad claims to love DeAnna's independence. Jenni is smiley and perky. DeAnna is intense and blinks constantly. Kissing. Grand pronouncements about perfection and lifelong commitments. Gobbling of chocolate-covered espresso beans at Sars's desk.

Back on the stage, Chris polls the rejects: who will get the ring? Betting Jenni: Michele, Stephy, Hillary, Kristy, Sheena, and Jade. Betting DeAnna: Sarah, Lindsey, McCarten, Solisa, and Bettina. Interesting -- I would have expected Jenni to have a larger edge than that. I think it's Jenni, myself, and the previews for next week's finale don't contradict that, although they don't really reveal anything either way.

Next time: Brad's family meets/grills the final two. Jenni gets weepy. DeAnna blinks some more. Brad buys a big rock. And I get my Monday nights back.

Over the credits, Jenni bugs out with her iPod and a head full of curlers.

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