Previously: Twenty-five women threw themselves at Aaron. Twenty-three missed. In some unseen footage, Aaron tells Gwen as he's rejecting her that he feels like he's falling for one of the two women who are left. Tonight, the twenty-three women who were cut from the running sit around with Chris Hyperbole and talk and talk and talk and make Shack wish he were dead. And then the bachelor makes a "surprise" guest appearance. Well, I guess it's not much of surprise any longer, is it? They have to tell us this before every single commercial break, like we're all on the edge of our seats to see Aaron not answer questions in front of a live audience.
Can you believe this show won its time slot? It beat The West Wing. Isn't that scary?
We open to a predominantly female audience screaming and cheering. It reminds me of those fake audiences for infomercials who "ooh" and "ah" at everything. Chris Hyperbole comes out to tell us all what an "amazing journey" this show has been: Hearts have been broken; relationships have been forged; hot tubs have been overused; and questions have been avoided. Now it's down to just Aaron, Helene, and Brooke. Chris Hyperbole tells us that the other women have come back in order the questions we've been "dying" to ask. Liar. Nobody asks these women, "What the hell is wrong with you people, anyway? Have you no sense of dignity?"
Chris introduces the women to the crowd. The women all sit on sofas in small groups of two or three. Who the hell are these women? I don't even recognize most of them. Liangy didn't bother to show. I bet she feels kind of silly for participating in the first place. Gwen is introduced last and gets a huge cheer from the audience. Scary. Gwen is dressed like an elementary-school art teacher. Chris Hyperbole says that he'll be talking to a few of the women in the "hot seat" later, and taking questions from the freakishly excited crowd. The crowd cheers. Actually, they remind me of the audience of Emeril Live. Those people just start cheering whenever Emeril adds any ingredient to his dishes, no matter how minor. A pinch of salt: "Whooooo!" Some minced onions: "Whooooo!" Dried beetles: "Whooooo!"
Chris decides to start the show not with a bang, but with a whimper of neediness as we return to the saga of Crazy, Clueless Christi. He calls Christi up to sit next to him. She's wearing an ugly denim blouse-miniskirt combo with knee-high tan pleather boots. She sits down next to Chris, who says they have a lot to talk about with her.