Commercials. There really should be more ads with talking giraffes, if at all possible. Make a note, Madison Avenue.
When we return, Chris asks the women who they think is going to win -- Helene or Brooke. The women seem to be evenly divided on the matter. Kyla says she thought it would be Gwen, which is going to serve as a segue to talk about Gwen's experiences. This is so coached. Before Chris talked to Heather, he asked the women who gossiped the most, knowing that they'd say her. Now Kyla just mentions Gwen so that Chris can call her up to talk?
The audience shrieks and goes wild as Gwen joins Chris. I just don't know how anybody could work up any sort of reaction at all to this woman. I warn you that I'm probably going to be writing part of this recap while asleep. Gwen's so dull. Chris points out that it seemed like Gwen and Aaron were living some fairy tale. One that was mandated by the network's owners. But they didn't get their happy ending. And we get to relive all the "drama" in a clip show. Aaron meets Gwen. Gwen hopes that she's exactly what Aaron is looking for in a woman. Aaron and Gwen get the [product-placed fairy tale] date. Aaron and Gwen talk about how strongly they feel toward each other. They show up for school naked, realizing they hadn't studied, and today is their final exam. Oh, sorry. I was dreaming. They're in a hot tub! How could they have not shown Gwen with Aaron in the hot tub before? I might have been more surprised when she got cut if they had shown that. Gwen tells us that she's falling for Aaron as the mist around Niagara Falls turns her hair into a tangled mess and makes her forehead look even larger than ever. They kiss all over the place. They're attacked by zombies who have lobsters where their hands should be. Aaron and Gwen make out some more. Just before the rose ceremony, Aaron meets with Gwen, who tells him that she thinks he's very smart and respects his opinions. Aaron suddenly boggles his eyes, like he's thinking, "She's supposed to be telling me that she can't live without me, not that she can respect my opinions." And then he doesn't give her a rose. Then he tells Gwen that he doesn't know if he made the right decision, and admits that he's falling for one of the other women. The zombies with lobster hands take Gwen away to meet the ghost of Chris Farley, who tells her the ingredients in the Colonel's secret recipe. Cumin is the important one, he says.