Bachelor
The Women Tell All (Season 2)

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14:56...14:57...14:58...

Now it's time for the other crazy contestant, Heather. Heather wants to know why Aaron didn't say anything the whole time while she was mauling him on the spa date. If I didn't hate Aaron before, this statement would have totally secured it for me: "In the pursuit of being open-minded, I was hoping to that things would turn around. My friends really liked you...everybody at the house raved about you. Given the situation, there are things I might have done differently. Of course, that doesn't help the situation now." See, he was just being open-minded. We could all see how open-minded he was when he was constantly recoiling from Heather's touch. And he wasn't leading Heather on when he joked a couple of times about wanting to see her naked. He was just trying to jump-start that chemistry. Asshole.

Chris opens the "floor" for more questions. Dana -- one of the mostly ignored bachelorettes -- asks Aaron if he has any regrets, or if he would have changed anything. People in the audience shout out, "Gwen!" And then Chris moves on to another question without even giving Aaron the opportunity to answer. The hell? Maybe Chris knows that Aaron wasn't going to answer it anyway. Anindita asks how Aaron feels now about this "whole process." Aaron says he doesn't have any regrets. Why should he? He's got women throwing themselves at him, trying to get into his pants. Chris thanks Aaron for coming out and showing us all how big a tool he is. Chris sends him out to the insane cheers of the brain-damaged audience.

After Aaron's gone, Chris Hyperbole tells us all that the big question on everybody's mind is "Who's it going to be?" Will it be Helene or Brooke? It's not going to be either of them right now. It's going to be commercials.

After the commercials, Chris Hyperbole treats us to a clip show about the adventures of Helene and Brooke. Brooke arrives at the house; Aaron tells us that Brooke's "a cutie." He thinks she's "smokin'." Oh, and she has a nice personality and accent, too. But it's very obvious how superficial his response to Brooke was. He thought she was hot. He gives Brooke roses. He tells us all how comfortable they are around each other. He says she's got a "positive aura" about her. They hang out in hot tubs. Brooke calls him a knight in shining armor. Montage of hugs and kisses. Aaron tells us that Brooke is a beautiful person. Especially her ass.

In Helene's clips, Aaron tells us that she was impressed with Helene to begin with. He says she's intelligent, but also has "an awesome body." So romantic. Aaron lies that he likes it when Helene interrogates him. They replay Helene pushing Aaron about his non-responsiveness in the hot tub. We hear her awful laugh some more. They dance and hug. Helene tells us that she's been guarded, but that she is going to "give it her all." Aaron says he's seeing the "true Helene" now. Helene tells Aaron that he's perfect for her. Aaron tells us that there are so many great things about Helene. It's hard to find anything wrong with her. Well, when all you're interested in is a woman who isn't crazy and has a nice ass, it's easy to hit the jackpot. No wonder he's constantly declaring how hard it is to decide whom to cut. They make out in the hot tub. Aaron tells us that he doesn't know who he's going to choose. He says he doesn't want to look back and regret any of his decisions. He says he hopes that he'll be able to build a relationship with whomever he chooses. We see Aaron in a suit, staring at some ring that he allegedly bought himself. Because he's an achiever, that Aaron. He can afford a ring!

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