Bachelor
The Women Tell All (Season 2)

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14:56...14:57...14:58...

Chris opens the floor to questions from the audience. Some woman points out that Christi was "all over" Aaron on the Napa Valley date. Was that strategy or chemistry? What sort of fake-ass question was that? She should have asked, "Was that neediness or desperation?" Christi non-answers that she was just doing what felt right, and Aaron was doing the same. She says that eventually they both realized what they were doing and stopped, because it wasn't fair to the other women or something. Or that's what Aaron told her. Another woman asks if Christi's carousel ride with Aaron (where he straddled a pink sperm whale -- hee!) was "as awkward for you as it was for us." "Awkward"? I thought it was hysterical! These "audience members" are so coached. Nobody is even trying to hold Christi accountable for her behavior. Christi says that -- duh! -- it was. She says that it was Aaron who brought up Napa Valley again and said he wanted to "delve into why [Christi is] such an emotional person." She says they both just ended up sitting there for most of the ride. And that's it for questions. How lame.

Commercials. How the hell did Ralph Fiennes and Stanley Tucci end up in a clearly insipid movie with Jennifer Lopez?

When we return, Chris blathers to us that the show wasn't just about the women getting to know Aaron; it was also about the women getting to know each other. Actually, given Aaron's non-responsiveness, the women probably know each other better than they do Aaron. Chris offers a little poll about the bachelorettes to see how well they know each other. Which bachelorette spent the most time in front of the mirror? They all point at each other. The answer is Kyla, whose face is now the color of a pumpkin. That's just not right. Somebody needs to stop her. How can somebody so obsessed with her own appearance be that oblivious? Her face isn't even the same color as the rest of her body. Kyla explains that she changes her outfits all the time. Who was the biggest camera hog? Everybody agrees that it was Suzanne. Suzanne pretends that she has no idea why they'd all think that about her. Who was the biggest gossip? Brunette Heather. Everybody agrees. They just call her "Texas" to differentiate her from the other Heather. Heh.

This happens to be the segue for pulling Brunette Heather up to the hot seat so we can all replay the other crazy contestant's behavior. We get another clip show. Heather cringe-inducingly tells us all that she has this all "locked up." She has a "game plan" and she definitely wants a victory. This woman is so screwed up. I can't even begin to entangle the thought processes that would cause someone to behave this way. Personally, I think she's loopier than Christi. Christi will grudgingly admit that she's emotional. Heather's the one who made the comment in her initial interview about wanting "a big rock." Of course, if she had snagged Aaron, she would have gotten two. During the first evening, Heather worries that all the women are really pretty, so she has a lot of competition.

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