More clips! Clips and latches! Clips and salsa! Tina will only kiss Andrew on the cheek. Tina steals his "pimped-out" watch. Tina is falling for Andrew. Tina loses big, and we're treated to a new one of Kirsten's Katty Kwotations, as she reports after the last rose ceremony, "I can't imagine Tina feeling very fabulous right now." Wow. Was that in the actual episode? Anne-Michelle reacts in slack-jawed horror, then rushes off the set to list "slack-jawed horror reaction shots" under the "special skills" section of her résumé. Tina hits the limo and doesn't cry, instead telling us the quote we simply can't watch enough times: "I don't think that being barefoot and pregnant on a vineyard is fabulous at all." And I say, screw the times she told us she was falling for him...she saved face in the back of the limo at a pivotal time during which, the week before, Christina's entire face was running down her face. The comfort is cold, but it's comfort nonetheless. End of montage. The crowd goes fabulous.
Back in the hot seat, Tina reports that she "can't go anywhere" without people calling her "Tina Fabulous." If by "anywhere," you mean "between autograph signings at the Gen'ral Store" and "throwing out the first pitch at the Oconomowoc Rug Rats' big homecoming game." Well, that is what you mean, right? But she does add that the whole experience has been "fun." She clarifies for a wondering nation that she didn't come up with the nickname for herself, but does add that, growing up, she was prone to wearing "elaborate gowns on the first day of school." Man, the Gaylord comparisons never stop, do they? Chris turns conversation to "the cheek." Tina admits that she did give Andrew "the cheek," noting simply that she "wasn't ready to kiss him." She knew he was kissing other girls and she just didn't feel ready, and that's that. Hear that, Christina? That's some class right there. Then again, Tina was born in the '80s and Christina was born in the 18th Century, so their needs in finding a mate are, at this point, not the same. Chris asks about Kirsten's Katty Komments, and Tina keeps her cool: "Well, Kirsten doesn't always have the nicest things to say about me or anybody else. But, on the other hand, I've never sold her out and I've never said anything bad about her and never put her down." What did hurt Tina's feelings a little, though, was when Christina said that she didn't want to be around her. From the crowd, Christina leans forward and brays a simpering apology, looking sheepishly down the whole time, possibly out of a sense of embarrassment at her unmasked betrayal. Or possibly because she's looking in vain for the entire top portion of her dress, which she's clearly forgotten to wear and has got to be around here someplace. Christina claims that she didn't mean any of what she said, and that it was "the stress of that moment," ending with, "I'm so sorry, honey." Tina, never missing a beat, considers this for one second and then turns her head eeeeever so slightly away from Christina and stares out into the audience. Ouch. And, heh.