Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Djb: C | 538 USERS: C+
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Recapping the Recap

For no good reason, Chris throws it to Audree, asking her, "Do you think America got a true sense of who these girls are on the show?" Audree responds that, though the cameras aren't going to make up "stuff that didn't happen," she thinks that the bachelorettes can't all be reduced to five minutes of screen time. She bravely cries out to probably the loudest applause this house sees, "If America judges you for five minutes on TV, that's their problem, not yours." That's right, sister! Sing it for all of the other oppressed, enslaved women, forced against their wills to appear on television at the will of the government, forced into dating like chattel and contriving fake relationships with a man who promises to love them. Cry out your plea for liberation from this abominable system! Woohoo! Future Center Squares are doin' it for themselves!

Oh, hello, Amber. Some clips? Why, I believe I will! She's wasted. She's puking. She's talking Olive Garden. Andrew likens the date to "pulling teeth." Back the house, Amber eats and drinks to excess, telling us, "I'm going to be the fat girl on the reunion show." Amber tells us that she doesn't have a drinking problem which she of course does not. Shannon narrows her eyes. Some chick I think is named Amy asks, "But after you hit that point?" Chris turns things to the date that went so wrong, Amber worrying, "I could not loosen up because all the cameras were on me." Chris volleys, "But, you knew you were coming on a TV show, right?" Audience laughter. He continues, "So, what's up with the Olive Garden?" She barks out loud and proud, "I like the Olive Garden! I eat there, like, once a week." I'll give it six weeks before we see her as their new commercial spokesperson. Okay, five. Okay, during this next break.

Bachelor

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