Bachelor
The Women Tell All (Season 3)

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Djb: C- | Grade It Now!
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Recapping the Recap

Chris asks Christina whether she thought Andew led her on, and Christina answers in no uncertain terms, "I definitely feel that Andrew led me on. I had many conversations with him, and he told me he would always be honest with me, that I'd never be surprised as to whether I got a rose or didn't get a rose. And I was surprised." Chris asks her if she was shocked the night she didn't get a rose, and Christina, lacking perspective, volleys back, "Honestly, I'm still pretty shocked." And yes, not to stand on the soapbox in town square and do another reading from Don't Go Breakin' My...Oh, Too Late: A History of Djb's Dating Foibles, but I have to agree that nothing sucks more than misjudging a situation so badly that you're blindsided when you discover you were the only one feeling what you were pretty convinced that both of you were feeling. But. It's not like he was cheating on her with the four other girls he was contractually obligated to go out on dates with. When they weren't together, she didn't have to wonder if he was stepping out with other girls behind her back. She knew where he was. In this context, an incredulous "like you saw, we kissed" isn't really as airtight an argument as it might otherwise be. Which is why the reaction shot of Heather (?) blatantly rolling her eyes is slightly more genuine than Liz's look around to see if anyone saw her look like she was going to start crying. No one sees her face crumbling, so she gives up the expression for neutral. From the back of the peanut gallery, one of the ousted contestants has a question. I think it's Rachel. She asks Christina, "What do you feel that you have that the other girls didn't that made you better?" Christina, for the first time I've ever actually seen it, "recoils, as if slapped." Shut up, stranger. I don't think Christina was any more right for Andrew than anyone else does, but it seems a little weird for her to be piping up from the back asking how Christina ranks her loveability on a points system. And fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes and yours are over, so shut it. Heather. If that's your real name. Christina repeats that she's "thirty years old." So then, the feature that puts her above all of the other girls is her catalog-esque knowledge of the music, lyrics, and airdates to every School House Rock cartoon? That just seems like something everyone who's thirty just kind of automatically knows, y'know? Tiffany, smelling the blood in the water, piles on, "We watched him sitting in the limo with you, and he was like..." Then she makes a gross face intended to convey Andrew's boredom with Christina. But for the girls in the exalted final five or so slots, they'll recognize that face as the one Andrew usually gives when he's about to kiss you and then keeps through the entire course of the awkward face-suckage, so Christina probably thought it was a pretty encouraging face, after all.

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