"It's the reunion you won't want to miss!" Oh, you don't know me at all. Shut up, clip show. Ten seconds in and you're already putting me in a bad mood.
Chris Harrison comes out on stage to raucous Ryan-Seacrest-esque applause. He talks about Matt's long journey from London to find love. He also lies that this was one of the most talked-about seasons ever.
He welcomes the women back: Amy, Erin S., Stacey (fortunately, she appears sober), Erin H., Kelly (looking rather bemused), Carri, Michele R., Kristine, Michelle P., Holly, Robin (muted applause, which she notices), Marshana, Ashlee, Noelle (gets a loud cheer), and Amanda (louder cheer). Half these women I don't even remember. I mean kidnappers could have be holding my wife and daughter hostage, and if somehow the only way I would ever see them again would be if I picked the bachelorettes out of a photo array, then it would be, "So long, family." Isn't the fact that these women are here just more proof that no one involved with this show has any concept of what love and romance is all about? I thought about times in my life I was dumped by people I truly cared about. Then I tried to imagine being asked to appear on a television show with other guys this women had dumped, and all I could think was that I wouldn't be able to say "fuck you" quick enough or loud enough. I'm guessing that, given a lot of the women maintain a "who farted" face throughout and don't say two words (at least, not that we see) the words "contractual obligation" might be figuring in.
Chris asks Amanda what she thought of "tall, dark and handsome standing in the doorway" when she was the first one out of the limo, and she talks about being nervous and how she was worried about tripping, but it all worked out. Well, as far as "not tripping" goes, it did work out. Overall, though, I think Amanda might admit it could have gone better. As for Marshana, all she requires from a guy is that he's taller than she is, and that he's in great physical condition. Those are all she has. She's like a storybook fairy princess, isn't she? And she got way more than she asked for, she tells us. Like he has a job! And knows how to drive a car! (I'm just guessing. I guess it would be awesome to have such low expectations, because then everyone and everything always exceeds them.)
We revisit Stacey's profanity-laced drunken performance during the first party. Highlights include Stacey being called a whore to her face, and Stacey saying, "I'll fucking kill 'em all and their families," which they totally didn't broadcast the first time around, even though Marshana says Stacey was saying that all night long. We watch the whole panties-stuffing incident again, and then proceed to spend about ten times as long discussing it than anyone thought about it immediately after it actually happened.