Bachelor
"The Women Tell All"

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Sweet as Sugar? Or Swedish Hooker?

At some point Chris says, "I would be remiss if I didn't give Stacey the last word here," and Stacey whips out some giant pink granny panties and gives them to Matt, while everyone claps like seals looking for fish at Marineland, because if everyone already thinks you're a drunken skank, I guess there's nothing you can do but pile on and poke fun at yourself -- and thankfully, Stacey rather redeems herself. Lord knows I'd hate to have drunken footage of me broadcast across North America. But then again, I can't ever imagine signing on to a reality show. "I don't care what country you're from, that is hot," says Chris, echoing Matt's disgusted disapproval from that episode, a line he's obviously been waiting all night to bust out.

Then we watch a short montage of bloopers and clips of the women and Matt acting goofy. Any episode would have benefited from this stuff being included, like when Carrie said she is "sweet as sugar," but it sounds like "Swedish hooker." I mean, my God, this show just takes itself so seriously, and it really could stand to, as Matt might say, take the piss every now and then.

Before we head to commercial, Chris reveals that Matt is engaged: "I am with someone who, we just have a perfect match," says Matt (so I'm guess he married that Barbados turtle), and Chris says that coming back from commercial break, we'll get a "sneak peek" at who that might be, which means that the final nine minutes of the broadcast is taken up by commercials, old clips, and preview clips. But apparently this season ends with the most romantic proposal ever.

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Bachelor

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