Bachelor
This Is Getting Old

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Mary, Mary, Why Ya Buggin'?

Lee-Ann fares thee well with a "ciao, chicas" when she's called to worship at the Altar Of Bob. The Altar Of Bob is also Bob, himself. By the way. As she steps out, the rest of the girls are all, "Ciao to you to, stank," and it takes a crack team of Mary, working around the clock, just to translate Lee-Ann's multilingual parting shot. Well, she gets the second word of it, anyway. The first part, though? Lost to Babel.

Meredith tells it like it is: "I absolutely don't want to see Lee-Ann get a rose tonight." Which is so crazy, seeing as we'd all been laboring under the mistaken notion that Meredith wanted to see Lee-Ann showered in ten million roses, all day all night. As the couple hit the lanai, the action turns inside to find Meredith, Kelly Jo, Estella, and Brooke, not enjoying responsibly, and eavesdropping. Man. Why not just put one of your sixteen empty glasses up to a wall somewhere and you'll be able to hear the whole conversation with crystal clear, Stakeout-gleaned ease?

Outside, Bob tells Lee-Ann that he got a chance to speak with his friends, and Lee-Ann plays defense, volleying, "I'm sure they had nothing but fabulous things to say about me." Lee-Ann tells Bob that she loves his friends, "no matter what happens," and back inside, Meredith mumbles, "I can tell you what's gonna happen." And yet we were surprised when Lee-Ann was booted. We should have just talked to Meredith. Lee-Ann -- and, okay, this really is kind of pathetic -- keeps talking, telling Bob, "All day I was thinking, who would be the two that would go, and I cannot even imagine because everyone's so awesome." Oh, my god. That is so transparently pandering. Pandertown Village, USA. If she were an Australian tree dweller, she's be a Pander Bear. We know you don't like the other girls, and we know they hate you. At this point, own it. Inside, Meredith and Kelly Jo react accordingly, Kelly Jo laughing hysterically and Meredith offering the somewhat less concise "If I could choke myself with this bracelet, uh, this necklace, I would." Good one. Back outside, Bob asks Lee-Ann if she needs to know anything about him ahead of a "decision" she might make later in the evening, and Lee-Ann correctly responds, "I'm not making a decision." She tells Bob that if he offers a rose she's going to take it, quite confusingly adding, "I definitely want you to play my dad in Horse." The first person who can correctly tell me what the hell that means, I will challenge your dad to a rousing game of Horse. And know this: I. Will. Win. Unless you don't have a dad. In which case I'll play your Nana. Lee-Ann reminds us of the ultimatum where he lied to her about giving her a rose this week. "I don't care what anyone thinks. I will get a rose." Uh-huh. Is "saying everything the opposite of the way that it actually happened" one of the rules to "Horse"?

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