Bachelor
This Is Getting Old

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Mary, Mary, Why Ya Buggin'?

Bob and Kelly Jo lie horizontal on a giant couch (that ate the ottoman that ate the something that swallowed the fly that...oh, never mind), Kelly Jo telling Bob, "My family is my life." She wants to let him know about her fond memories of her father. She wants to let us know that she falls more in love with Bob every time she's with him. I feel that way too, except with Horse rules applying.

You know what makes me a total freakin' tool? I mean, besides my extensive Hummel figurine collection? What makes me a tool is that I know AND I care that this episode is the rare episode where Bob's trip to the Room Of Reckoning isn't its own segment with commercials on either side. I guess this visit to the Room Of Reckoning was so short or so not compelling that they were able to squish it in to the very end of a longer segment. I know that. And it hasn't made me any better a man.

Chris hates -- HATES -- his life. Even the color of his tie is sarcastic. Bob tells him that this has been a "different" kind of night, and Chris snips, "What's different?" Bob responds, "I want to make sure that I make the right decisions, because one of these women could very easily end up being my wife." Chris believes in love, so he leaves Bob alone to watch the video messages. Lee-Ann thanks Bob, and tells him, "Come to my hometown, so my dad can beat you at a game of basketball." Sport after sport after sport! Lee-Ann's father is kind of a sportsman, eh? Not to mention maybe kind of a competitive jerk. Meredith had fun on her one-on-one time. Estella had an amazing time in Vegas. I think she's still loaded. Mary tells him that "it doesn't take a roller coaster to make [her] heart start beating fast." Oh, those weird menopausal flutters. Bob knows so much about them from hearing about them from his own mom, I'll bet. She continues, "Hand me my rose and I can lay a big, fat, wet one on you." Right after pinching his cheeks until they're raw and bloody, and telling him she hasn't seem him since he was thiiiiiiis tall! Brooke wants a rose. No way! Kelly Jo is wearing some serious earrings, and tells Bob that she can imagine "waking up next to [him] for the rest of [her] life." But in the end, don't we all sleep alone? I mean, if given the choice between him and alone?

Chris blee blee blam blimmity blam, two girls will leave, blerp.

Bob enters, taking his place next to the post of roses, and tells them, "By accepting this rose and opening your hears and your homes to me, I feel greatly appreciative. So thank you." Thank you to the following four:

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Bachelor

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