Bachelor
This Is Getting Old

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Djb: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Mary, Mary, Why Ya Buggin'?

Bob and Estella are going to Vegas! Bob thinks it's "amazing" that his friends "happened" to choose two women whom he wanted to get to know more. Bob says that Estella is beautiful, and there's something about her that he finds really compelling. Deaf father, maybe? Or pretty, pretty boobies?

Bob feels a connection with Estella. Imagine that. It's awesome. Estella's greatest hope is that she and Bob get so drunk that they run straight to the chapel and get married and don't come back to the show. She can't keep her hands off of him in the limo. Or at Caesar's Palace, where we're enjoying a private dinner. Oh my God, Estella's voice. It was bad always, but drenched in Shiraz, it's literally unbearable. To get the stalker vibe we'd almost lost kicking again, Estella reminds Bob that she thought he was hot when he was on The Bachelorette. Now that she's got him, she's not going to hold back. That's one thing she's learned in life...she shares everything she's feeling in every single moment. Huh. Is that so? She says to Bob, "You never experience life fully if you put up a wall, because you'll never really get the true understanding that you deserve." Wha? Bob acts like she said something deep, but it's only because they're both so drunk. Then they get on with the sloppy smooching. There's more where that came from, I'm sure. She tells him that her father died, and she garbles something that makes him respond, "That was a great decision by you." I adore Love In The Time Of Passive Voice. Also, with that story, Estella officially becomes the seventeenth girl to play a dead relative card in a gambit for a pity rose. Um, like, Bob? My cousin Lou just died. Can I wipe my eyes with your book deal?

Kelly Jo brings the newly arrived Date Box into the house and tells us that she was nervous because she knew that the box was for either a one-on-one date or a group date. You can't put anything past Kelly Jo, that's for sure. Lee-Ann, Meredith and Brooke get the group date. The ladies reason it out and, after a few seconds of breaking up into individual discussion groups and some scribbling on scrap paper, they deduce that Kelly Jo gets the other one-on-one date. Lots of whooping and hollering....until Mary, for some reason, starts to cry. All of the tears this season have really lacked context. Just like when the ladies had to pick who was most and least compatible for Bob, I never had a clue as to why they were crying, ever. Flashback to Mary and Bob kissing. She's sad because she had such a great time on her date with Bob, and the thought of him going out with the other ladies...just...makes...her....so...mad. I'm sorry, but come on. Dust off those bifocals and read the fine print of why you're there. It's emotions borrowed and love on loan. Meredith comforts her. Mary says she feels like a jerk. Jerk.

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