Bachelor
This Is Getting Old

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Djb: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Mary, Mary, Why Ya Buggin'?

Meanwhile, back at a suite inside Caesar's Palace, hot fun in the lovertime. Or something. I never knew what those words were. For some reason, Bob and Estella both look down at Bob's pants, and he seductively says to Estella, "Do you like it?" She retorts, "Yeah." Fucking network porn. You never get to see any of the good stuff. Like, for instance, there are no attractive men anywhere in the frame right now. Bob then asks Estella if this date is what she would have hoped for, or if she was wishing for a group setting. This makes Estella upset for some reason, perhaps because of the sick amount of IV-injected alcohol they have managed to consume this evening. Estella slurs in a confessional that she and Bob (her and Bob? Bob and we? Thee and thou?) were having a fantastic time, and then, suddenly, it just got real for her, "and it's hard, and you want to be cool, and you, you want to understand, but I'm a human being, and I have feelings and it, it hurts." She's all like the Elephant Man. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! Meanwhile, I would LOVE to see the next season of The Bachelor as directed by David Lynch. Because he can't do TV and would pour on the dwarves and get this show shitcanned after four episodes.

Estella feels weird. It's "different" for her. Bob thinks she's over-thinking things. He confessionalizes that he can only imagine how difficult it is for the women to go on dates with him when they care about him, because he is also dating their friends. I'm sorry, did he say "I could only imagine"? Was he not in this very same situation, way back when the tables are turned? God, I hope Roy is doing okay.

Bob and Estella watch a fake Vegas volcano through the window, just as her own emotions erupt forth in a blazing moment of honesty (in other words, Estella rambles drunkenly). Bob pretends to be understanding while covertly inching his hands closer to Estella's boobies. Estella isn't feeling well and has to go to the bathroom. Is she gonna hurl? Awesome. I'd really been missing Amber from last season just lately. Bob leads her to the restroom. She is totally freaking him out now. She cries and cries in a confessional, and also in the bathroom of their hotel suite, where she adds scary and nonsensical whispering to her repertoire. Bob confessionalizes that, up to this point, Estella has been perfect. But tonight they had a little "bump in the road." Cue doom-infused minor chord. End of date.

Group date. Bob poses in his Ray-Ban shades in front of a hot air balloon. Wow. That's hot. Lee-Ann, Meredith, and Brooke show up and hop into the balloon. Bob says that he's talked to the balloon...what, drivers? who has confirmed that "they have no way of knowing where the hell we're going." There's no earthly way of knowing...which direction we are going. These girls could learn a great deal from a riverboat trip with Wonka, is all I'm saying. Do I need to regale you with the tale of poor little Augustus Gloop? Because sometimes Bob's complexion makes him look a little covered in caramel.

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Bachelor

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