Kelly Jo disrobes at the pool, and she totally has a hot little bod. She says that Bob is, for her, absolute perfection: "He's everything I've ever wanted in a man." You know what the lesson here is? If you have low expectations, you will never be disappointed. Kelly Jo, too, is falling in love with Bob. She knows that he could make her completely happy. Big-time making out in the hot tub. Soft fade. End of date. Kelly Jo is totally going to win. I don't know where she's from, but they totally have second homes there too, I bet.
"Going into tonight's Rose Ceremony, I still have a lot to think about," Bob confessionalizes going into tonight's Rose Ceremony. Tons of things. Troubled hair care. The skyrocketing price of real estate purchases in Florida. How to keep Nana jokes fresh even as her freshness fades. The whole package. As the ladies file into Bob's Villa, he adds that more than one woman could make him happy for the rest of his life, so "it's difficult" to think about sending two of them home. And the rest of his life is a very long time, so he should probably consider this decision carefully. Someone he'll be with for the rest of his life. Or, if he chooses Mary, the short rest of hers.
The women file in, marching in single file because all they ever really needed to know they learned in kindergarten. Which is why most of them know how to listen and follow directions, but few of them appear to maintain the cognitive skills required for, say, math. I don't know. I'm just guessing. Brooke walks in first, and Bob offers every ounce of the pre-boot disingenuousness he can muster with this: "You look beautiful. As always." Muh-huh. Kelly Jo takes this opportunity to confessionalize, "I love the girls, but that's over right now. It's all about Bob." Yep. That's totally a hell of a strategy, wouldn't you say? Coat yourself in sugary sweetness, but when push comes to shove, become Lee-Ann. I hope that shit is on the reunion special, because it's time to call some people out on their shit is all I'm saying. Oh, wait. I forgot that I kind of like Kelly Jo. In either case, Bob is wearing a silver tie tonight and he looks like Johnny Dangerously.
Bob hugs Mary and she fails to let go. Realizing that she's failed to distinguish herself as the only woman in Bob's life just yet, Mary's desperation seems to have led to her trying to take Bob in through her pores. It's such a sad sight that I feel compelled to write a plaintive song about it. And I have a sneaking suspicion that the refrain won't be complete until it melds the words "osmosis" with "osteoporosis" in a union more ideal than the one Bob and Mary will never end up experiencing.